H with MLC

[Grace_O]

Hey sooner,

It's not uncommon for them to think they were only a paycheck. They're struggling to make sence of their lives and mortality.

[lad42]

Grace_0:

I wish I'd told/showed him otherwise but you can't undo the past. I hope he's open to saving our M but doesn't seem to be. Won't talk to me.

What do you do when they go dark on you? How do you DB in that sitch? Any clues anyone?

[Drew]

You be the best soonerlady you can possibly be. For you.

You mentioned a few posts back that you guys weren't good communicators and didn't discuss your problems. And asked if you should suggest that you'd like to talk about some things with him.

My advice - don't ask, too much pressure. Just do it. A little at a time. Hard to do since he went dark on you, but trust me, you WILL get an opportunity.

-Drew

[lad42]

Thanks Drew:

I hope the opportunity comes soon. I know I haven't been doing this as long as some but I'm going crazy.

I was going to tell him that I'm sorry for neglecting him, for taking him for granted and for not putting him ahead of other things. That I just always thought that we'd have time to work on us. That I know that I've done things wrong and would like the opportunity to make amends. Too much at one time?

[Treese]

Sooner;

I said all that to my H..wish I didn't. He didn't care...almost like the too little to late kind of thing....I even called him one time and said thanks for just being there, that I didnt thank him enough...yea, not a good thing.. Maybe your H is different and will take it better but my H just said, OK

This is what's so hard. We don't know what to say and what not to say....

good luck

(((Treese)))

[lad42]

I called MIL (a 180?). Went OK. Told her I wanted to make things better between us (didn't cast or accept blame) after all she is my H's mother & S's Gmother and not matter what the outcome of sitch I wanted her & I to get along. She cried and said she didn't hold anything against me and respected me and am glad that I called her. Said I respected her too. Also asked her advice on sitch {note: she has 6 kids and 4 have been through at least 1 D and I don't have mom to ask advice of}(she got distant) and said she really didn't have any advice and didn't know what all was going on and that it was between H & myself. She agreed that it takes 2 people to get to this point in our M. She said we had a lot of time invested in our M and would like to see things work out but also told me that I was young enough, decent looking and smart that I could still go on and have a good life (huh?). Asked her what would be wrong with giving things another try now that we both have our eyes open? After all, wouldn't it be better to teach our S's that if something starts going wrong in a relationship that it is better to work on it instead of throwing it out and starting another? She said she hadn't thought about it that way. I told her that I truly love her S and want to give things a try and make things work. I hope H isn't upset that I called his Mom for advice.

Called SIL after MIL conversation to let her know how things went and found out SIL and BIL (H's little brother & W) are my angels that paid for my years membership to the gym.

I've cried so much today that I've almost gone through a box of tissue and my eyes are red. I'm exhausted from all the crying.

H and I have been through hell these past few years:
8/03 - My mom dies
9/04 - Hurricane Ivan messes up rental property in FL
7/05 - Hurricane Dennis messes up rental property & sets repairs made from Ivan back months.
10/05 - Start construction on dream house.
10/05 - H started A with OW
12/05 - S19 (17 at time) almost killed in auto accident (lots of recovery)
3/06 - H's dad dies the same day he gets a major promotion (with tons of responsibilites)
4/06 - Move into dream house
5/06 - Rush to FL and buy new furnishings & put rental property back on market.
9/06 - 5/07 - S19 & S15 give me hell all school year and almost didn't graduate & pass.
11/07 - Proof of A & OW and H moves out

UNCLE!!! I give! I need a break! H got to have his OW and his fantasy world and I've been dealing with reality and all the S@@t it hands out. Calgone take me away!!!!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Calgone take me away!!!!

That's a good idea.
You're right, you do need a break. What are you doing for yourself, what can you lose yourself in? Find it, do it.
Get out of your thoughts for a bit. Not sleep. Something active.

In-Laws...be careful. Over time, blood is thicker than water.
And now you're analysing what she said or didn't say on top of your husband...so stop. Preferably analysing both.

I hope H isn't upset that I called his Mom for advice.

If he is upset, you'll find out.

[lad42]

Jack

Thanks. I guess I do over analyse. I have always been one to make people happy and not upset the apple cart. Always tried to keep peace by not saying things that I now know should have been said.

You're right about blood. H loves is mama even though she didn't do for him what I've done for my S's and she can't even remember his bday but does her other kids.

I truly want to make things better between her and myself. It's one of the things I needed to do for myself to start things anew.

I guess I thought she would be flattered that I'd ask her for advice since I used to not even really talk to her when I was around her. Maybe she smelled a rat but I was being geniune. She did give me 1 piece of good advice. 'Take care of myself.'

[Treese]

Sooner;;
Yep,. heard than from my MIL too (that it's between H and I and it took both of us to get to this point)and she is my biggest fan, says everything will work out that we'll be back together by next November. I wish I had that much faith. I used to really believe but now I'm losing faith....I pray everyday just for healing....and here I am in the EXACT same spot for 7 months...HHHHHHHHHH...


I give too, Uncle, the white flag....all of it...I am having a really bad night I guess... I was reading some other threads and how their H's still cuddle with them and hug them and what I would do for one....gosh....I don't even know what to do from here. I am GAL I think...I'm trying to think of 180's, do I go dark, NC. What????

Oh, and I am queen of over analyze......It's horrible

I need more than calgone!!!!!!!!!

Treese

[lad42]

Treese:
Yea, I've read the threads about other H's cuddling, etc. I'm happy for them but jealous too. H walked out and didn't look back A@@!!!

My MIL isn't my fan at all. I do have 5 members of his family that are though.

A new gym by my house called me 2 days ago and said that someone had paid for a yrs membership and to come in and sign some papers. I was skeptical - thought was some scam. But I found out yesterday it was H's brother & W who bought it for me! I cried like a baby when I found out that it was them. I didn't tell my S's it was my BIL & SIL - I'll keep that my little mystery. Went and worked out last night - part of my GAL.