Starting to get it.... my 3rd thread

[ann25]

Thanks Dom

You didnt screw up in what you did, Ann. He's being a jerk. He's getting all angry at you, about his guilt. What is probably going on here, is that he was/has been drooling over some celeb.. .then got curious as to who you might find attractive.He then felt like a drooling schmuck when you revealed to him that you dont do that sort of thing.
If he could have gotten you to admit "you do it too", then he wouldnt feel guilty. Rather than deal with his own guilt, he tried to force you to admit something that wasnt true.

wow... i didn't even think of that. Makes sense. he kept talking about this show with celebrities on it, but not really telling me anything about it, just that he watched it and then blurted out that question. I seriously don't look at people and think, oh wow - they are hot unless they are like amazing, but even so, i don't spend time thinking about it, so i couldn't come up with anything.

sounds like he doesnt react well, when told, directly, or implied, that he isnt doing something right.
I think you just need to stay calm and not be reactive to that, and it will be ok.

He doesn't react well. i actually got really calm after that. I just kinda got to the point where I'm sitting there talking and getting either yelled at or ignored, so why bother. I just told him the he has to figure out all the stuff in his head and that if there was anything I could do to help him with that, i'd be more than happy, but all i have personal control over is my thoughts, actions and reactions.

Interesting revelation that you had about, "feeling like an object", rather than feeling loved. Makes sense to me, at least.What kind of approach from his side, WOULD make you feel loved, rather than "groped", as foreplay for sex?
Maybe you should come up with some answers for yourself, and then let him know. Sounds like that could solve a major issue between you two.

This was him more asking about other times. For instance, i'm doing dishes or getting something out of the fridge and he comes up behind me and squeezes something, slides a hand down my pants or grinds himself up against me etc... 1st off, my little ones are running around and kissing and showing affection in front of them is good, but I don't think they need to see all that. Also, i'm busy. He says i don't clean well enough, then interrupts me 5 or 6 times with this. It all feels like it's just his way of saying "MINE". I told him, it's not even so bad, but everytime it's the same thing. If he would come in and give me a little kiss and hug instead everyonce and a while, i probably wouldn't be so put off, but the other stuff. I don't know what would make me feel loved. I think i really need to figure that out.

Hopefully, it's more a matter of finding a different lead-up to sex, rather than "you just dont really want sex/intimacy at all" with H.

I hope so too... i really hope so!

I told H last night that if he wanted to see a C that i could help him find one. He said MC didn't work. I told him that I understand that he feels that way. I was talking about just for him because I was thinking of going again on my own to help me and if he was interested, I'd help him, he should just let me know. he didn't like that, but he really needs it and i said it, so oh well. I know I need to see one again. I need someone to help me figure out what's going on in my head and what to do about it.