I think we bury ourselves in activities subconsciously so we don't have time to deal with the M problems. At least for me I believe that is true. It is also where I get my WOA, from people who don't have the baggage of an R with me so it's easy for them to give a compliment.
Phoenix, you're focusing too much on going south. Quit. It's not healthy for you or the sitch.
What do you smile about? what makes your eyes gleam?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.