Starting to get it.... my 3rd thread

[Dom R]

I go in the bedroom and wait for him to get ready for the shower and i ask him what is wrong? What happened in the last 20 minutes that caused this anger in him? He said that if i can't even be honest about thinking a celebrity is cute or having a fantasy, that there must be someone in real life that i'd rather have. Oh man... I reassure him that is not the case. That i love him. That if it's that important, i'd find someone. He says don't even worry about it and gets in the shower.

You didnt screw up in what you did, Ann. He's being a jerk. He's getting all angry at you, about his guilt.

What is probably going on here, is that he was/has been drooling over some celeb.. .then got curious as to who you might find attractive.

He then felt like a drooling schmuck when you revealed to him that you dont do that sort of thing.
If he could have gotten you to admit "you do it too", then he wouldnt feel guilty.
Rather than deal with his own guilt, he tried to force you to admit something that wasnt true.

He's justified what he's doing, as "well, it's ok.. everyone does it." but when confronted with proof that "everyone" does NOT do it... he'd rather attempt to rewrite reality, than change his own behaviour, and admit to himself that he was in the wrong.

[i told him that]i feel like an object rather than the W that he says he loves. That didn't get a good reaction.

sounds like he doesnt react well, when told, directly, or implied, that he isnt doing something right.
I think you just need to stay calm and not be reactive to that, and it will be ok.


Interesting revelation that you had about, "feeling like an object", rather than feeling loved. Makes sense to me, at least.

What kind of approach from his side, WOULD make you feel loved, rather than "groped", as foreplay for sex?
Maybe you should come up with some answers for yourself, and then let him know. Sounds like that could solve a major issue between you two.

Hopefully, it's more a matter of finding a different lead-up to sex, rather than "you just dont really want sex/intimacy at all" with H.