1. Create that Savings account turn into Cash when you get home.
2. Get online access to your banks. Get a history of money in and out. Will take a while in your position.
3. Get a lawyer. Get a mean SOB. Divorce is fighting the muj. You got the rest of your life to make up but if you want to live 'no hill style' without the beach then continue on your present path. ( I do like my style now but it's an aquired taste)
Your fault, her fault, no ones fault she is not interested in patching it up and as per your tone of the msgs will file. Since she wants the D then let her file.
Unlike the US Navy who I feel will sucker punch the Iranians (drawing their misquitos in) you let her know up front what a formible opponent you will be and you will stop at nothing to win. (you may stop but that's not a card she should see). She may see the possible cost to her and think otherwise.

Hopefully since sugar did not work spice will. If nothing works you have the infrastructure to proceed.

Do you have a network of folks a your reserve center who could help with apartment hunting.

Create a proposed budget. What you can and cannot afford. Can you find something that you can walk to work, work out and such.

Expect rough times. Some of these things I did some I just wished I did.

Divorce is war. Actually it's worse than Iraq. If you can find evidence of wrongdoing (emotional, physical and so on) do it. Like a war it's dirty. Sometimes you hate yourself when you are done. I considered Iraq much easier that what I faced coming home. Hell I drank tea with people who tried to kill me and I them then we sat and talked later. I did not forgive them since it was not personal and there was nothing to forgive thus no anamosity like a divorce.

This board is correct in attempts to avoid divorce. Once you commit then I believe go all out. I did not and sometimes regret it.

When you talk to spouse keep emotion out of it. I you cannot then talk through the lawyers. If you find a lawyer is not fighting for you then dump him/her.

"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work"
Steve Martin