BirtInOh, maybe it's positive that your W is telling you about OM and describing him in a somewhat "negative" light. Sounds like in some way she's trying to get in on your good side and show you that she's distancing herself from him. Just a thought....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Sounds good to me too Brit. I thought she didn't give you a key in the beginning because she wanted to make sure you knew it was short term. Interesting that she is getting one made now.
Interesting about her bills. I also think it's interesting how you mentioned she's in a bad mood in the mornings. I wonder if it's weird for her waking up with you there...but then she warms up to it once the day gets going.
She has never been a morning person - Not really sure if any of it has to do with me. Since I moved in she gets to sleep in every day, as I take D to school all the time (it's one the way to my office).
Sounds good to me too Brit. I thought she didn't give you a key in the beginning because she wanted to make sure you knew it was short term. Interesting that she is getting one made now.
I'll believe it when I see it - Not building my hopes up that a key will be there when I get home tonight. Her memory is pathetic.
When I showed her pics of my new place, she seemed to like it:
(11:20:56 AM) W: wow, that's really cute! (11:21:33 AM) M: we'll see how it turns out when I fill it with my crap (11:21:48 AM) W: I'm jealous...you have a fireplace (11:24:10 AM) M: I think I'll pass on that with D around (11:25:32 AM) W: that's really a great house (11:25:41 AM) W: I hope to have something that nice one day (11:25:49 AM) M: you do (11:25:53 AM) M: I really like your house (11:26:49 AM) W: it's a shithole, but whatever (11:26:58 AM) W: one day I'll have something decent (11:27:13 AM) W: not anytime soon, but I'm going to try for it
BirtInOh, maybe it's positive that your W is telling you about OM and describing him in a somewhat "negative" light. Sounds like in some way she's trying to get in on your good side and show you that she's distancing herself from him. Just a thought....
Maybe - Who knows with her. She'll talk about him sometimes, probably because she's got no one else to talk to about her friends and other people.
This guy is obviously quite the catch - Right now, if my W told me she was in a serious R with the guy, I'd probably just laugh and got on with my life.
Busy day - Ended up locking my keys in my car, so I called W to come and get me. I expected her to be fuming mad and frustrated, but she seemed pretty happy. She brought D along, and even told me to get D out of her car because she had been talking about me on the ride down. D and I ended up going out for dinner together, and W went home. By the time D and I got home, W was baking a nasty looking pizza for herself that she ate on the couch. I talked to W off and on today, but she was pretty quiet overall.
Today I feel really good. I think a lot is getting the house stuff together, although I need to get all the loose ends tied up with that. I think when I move and get settled it's time to back of W a bunch and not really spend a whole lot of time with her, other than our normal routine or if she asks for it. I don't think it is doing me much good hanging out with W so much, plus this time living together will be overkill for a while. I think we're doing okay, and at least I'm not seeing W being stressed out about it all. I need to figure out what to do with W for her birthday in about a month - I guess I can wait until it's closer and try to gauge her mood once we're separate again.
She said she got me a key today, but she left it at work. Do I believe her - Kind of. She emptied her purse out on the kitchen floor to look for it, so either she enjoyed picking up all that stuff to make a point, or she was being serious. I'm not even going to ask about it. If I get one, cool - If I don't, whatever. She'll get one for my house when I'm there, just so I know someone close by has one.
Not much to report - W is really quiet and sickly today. Went out to dinner together, came home and watched TV for a while. Interesting episode of House is on TV when his ex-wife is trying to decide if she wants to go back with him, or stay with her new husband.
No key from W yet, but I didn't ask about it. She asked me tonight if I had the money for my new place (duh) - Not sure why she thinks I'd start the process and not have the money together to follow through. She keeps telling me how great the place is and how she is living in a hole. She spent a month looking for a place and two months moving - I did it all in about two weeks, and apparently came out ahead.
W keeps telling me stupid stories about her friends at work and OM. She was supposed to go to a baptism on Sunday for a friend at work, but she doesn't want to go anymore. She never seems to miss an opportunity to complain about people, including OM, as if it is some sort of BS to cover her tracks. Other than going out last night, she has spent the whole week with me - No IM with OM at night, no running around trying to hide stuff. Well, maybe she is hiding stuff, but I'm not sure when she'd have time to do it.
I'm really feeling like I need to move on - Moving into a new house seems like a fresh start for me, and certainly feels like it's 'mine' and I don't need to include W in the plans for it. I've really been spending too much time with W in recent weeks, which I think has caused a lot of anxiety. She seems perfectly fine with me since I moved in - I don't even feel any stress between us when we're watching TV together or trying to clean up the house when D is in bed.
So I guess I'm a bit confused with myself... You'd think moving back in with a WAS would reinforce the feelings of wanting to be together, but it seems like it's doing the complete opposite with me. Maybe I'm just seeing my W in her 'natural state' for the first time in three months and seeing the shell of the person I married. It's not even as if she has some wonderful new life without me - I don't think I've ever seen her so depressed and unhappy as she has been in the last few weeks.
I guess we have a couple more weeks of what we have right now - Hopefully it'll be calm and pleasant like it is right now.
Time to head to bed and sleep with my W. Weird to even write that.
Quiet few days - Interesting evening tonight, but on the whole W has been pretty quiet and kept to herself.
She gave me a key to her house on Saturday, so I can at least get in and out by myself now. She has been pretty chatty and friendly with me, but she'll go through phases when she'll just stop talking for an afternoon or just give one word answers for a while - I just let it go and get on with my day. I talked to her briefly on IM today and she totally freaked out on me (I made a joke, and she said she was in a bad mood and didn't appreciate it), but by the time we got home she was all nice to me and neither of us mentioned it.
On the other hand, she'll be really nice and friendly and tell me I need to put socks on to keep my feet warm, or that we need to go out and get X, Y, Z, where all of these things are stuff that only I eat/use/whatever. I can see her slowly getting back into old routines of wanting to take care of everyone, but it doesn't seem to really be going all crazy and bad like it used to. She's also as broke as crap right now - I had to buy dinner, buy the fish and pick up some stuff for D because she's only got $20 in her checking account and probably the same in cash in her purse. I've no idea how she thinks she's going to survive over the next two weeks until she gets paid again, so we'll see what happens. A couple of weeks ago she sucked it up and asked to borrow some money, but I don't think $50 is going to get her very far this time.
Tonight was strange. She picked up D from daycare and I got home first. We were going to get some new fish for her tank on Saturday, but D fell asleep before we got anywhere, so I suggested we go out to dinner and get some tonight. So, on the drive out there we started to talk about 'relationships' and W brought up a 'friend' who had a guy that would say that he just wanted to be friends, but always wanted to hang out with them. I poked a little and she gave a really lame account of how she doesn't understand guys and that this guy was 'all backwards' (in that, most guys will overstate their intentions to get sex or whatever). I think we probably talked for an hour or two, which was really weird - I didn't say "Hey, you're an idiot - If he liked you, he'd have said something at some point in the last six months'. I did mention to her she and I shared our feelings and talked about what we wanted when we first got together - No games, no BS, no manipulation. I think she appreciated the simplicity of that kind of relationship.
Anyway, W has been really friendly and pleasant tonight - We've been watching old TV shows on youtube together for the last hour and a half. I think she is talking to her sister on IM now, but I can't really tell. Don't care too much either.
I need to start getting myself together to move and get the new place setup - I'm not sure if I should get out of here ASAP, or take a few days (or a week) to make sure everything is ready and stuff is going to be organized for D and myself. I guess we can figure that out as we go.
So I guess we will see what happens with it all - W is obviously having a pretty tough time and I don't know if she is really planning ahead.
So I guess I'm a bit confused with myself... You'd think moving back in with a WAS would reinforce the feelings of wanting to be together, but it seems like it's doing the complete opposite with me. Maybe I'm just seeing my W in her 'natural state' for the first time in three months and seeing the shell of the person I married.
I know this feeling of confusion. But it's hard to want to be married to someone that you don't even recognize! Hope you had a good weekend. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
