Long and Bumpy Road #3

[Startingover2]

Not feeling real positive today. Better pick myself up.

Haven't heard from him since that small text the other night. I guess that is ok. Once again these are his choices that I cannot control. His loss.

Positives...life is calmer. No drama. No drinking. I and my kids feel more settled.

[blindsided1]

You are going to be just fine. You know this. The positives are exactly what you wrote: calmer, no drama, no drinking, feeling more settled. Just go about your day like he isn't going to contact you at all. How are the winds up there. It's was blowing really hard last night. How are you feeling? I've been really tired lately, more so than usual and the headaches are still there. It must have a lot to do with the weather, I'm thinking. I'll check in with you in a little bit. Have a GREAT day. Make it great.

[Startingover2]

I am feeling ok. Its getting harder and harder to do things and keep up the pace. I have to force myself to rest during the day. I don't sleep well at night anymore so I find myself really tired during the day....guess its preparing me for the long nights ahead.

The winds aren't bad and its sunny out but a bit chilly. I am looking forward to warmer weather, especially with a baby coming.

I think my H must have contacted yours....he has now fallen off the face of the planet.

[blindsided1]

Maybe their hanging out together being psycho aliens. I too have trouble sleeping at night and I can't rest during the day even though I feel like I could fall asleep sitting up at my desk most of the time. Hang in there. Bundle up and go for a walk. I love it when the air is crisp and it's sunny out. I'm getting so excited for you, it's getting here quickly. Have you picked out a name? Do you want to share? You don't have to if it's too personal. Just thought I'd ask. We picked out Kendall for a girl and Cole for a boy.

[Startingover2]

Yeah...we picked out her name awhile back. Its Haley Rose. I liked the name Rose and it just so happens its MIL's name as well. H thinks we are naming her after his mom, but I am not thinking that way. She is a nosey enabler. The last name is still in the air. I haven't decided if I want her to have his last name or mine. It is getting really close...I will be 32 weeks on Sunday.

[Startingover2]

Latest text message:

-Baby doesn't deserve this. Its not fair I am willing to change everything and make things right. Are you? I love her and she needs equal attention-

Nice to hear, but i don't believe him anymore. What changes exactly? Is he only doing it because I am getting close and he knows as of right now he is shut out? He has lied so many times that I doubt anything he says is true.

I haven't responded....need help fast.

[blindsided1]

Holy crap. So, what are you going to do? What about asking him to come over and having him explain what he is planning on changing. If he is willing to make a go of things, you need to outline exactly what you expect from him. I don't know. Wait for more advice. That is what I would do, but I haven't been very successful with my R, soooo....

Good luck. You have to keep me posted.

[Startingover2]

Under normal circumstances I would possibly believe him, but I question everything. What he doesn't understand is that I have heard all of this before...oh, we are going to R, I love you, I want this relationship, OW is out of my life, blah blah blah....when in fact nothing was true.

My main thing is he telling me this just to soften me up so he can be here for the end of this pregnancy and birth? Who knows his motives.

I just had my head on straight and was feeling really good. This sucks.

[JennyF]

Hey SO2,
I can totally understand you being aprehensive, but I do think it is a good sign. He may be cycling, but that is also a good sign because he's at least peeking out.

I would perhaps tell him that you are glad to hear this, but need a day or two to think about things.
I would spend some time really thinking about what you want. Read DR again and put down the specifics of what you want.
ie, no drinking, marrige counselling, proof that OW is out of the picture (I personally would want to have a conversation with her), etc. However...it also may take him take time to really let go mentally of OW, even if they aren't seeing eachother any more...so you may need to be patient with this one. Let him know you support him and you know it will be hard, but it is necessary if there is going to be a chance for you two.

Read the part in DR about Ask For What You Want.
You still have your head on straight and the key is to keep it on straight. You're in the drivers seat and you can decide how this should go. It's on your terms.

Tell him you want to proceed slowly and that you're going to need time to really believe his intentions his are genuine. That his actions are going to have to SHOW you he wants this to work...not just words.


By the way...I think that backing off of him worked. So keep that in mind as you proceed. Don't jump all over him about everything. Go slow and try to validate.

That's my 2 cents worth!
I think this is great...I'd give ANYTHING to get a text like this from my H. Is a place to start from.
Good luck!
J~

[Startingover2]

Well, just as I suspected his motives are not genuine.

Me: What changes exactly are you proposing?
H: Your insecure and we both need to feel secure. We are going ot have a baby, its pretty simple. Or it should be.
Me: Yes, its about insecurity, but alot more as well. I am still not understanding the changes you are talking about.
H: Well baby can either grow up in 2 families or one. I am not giving you the power in this so you really don't have to have an attitude. Just remember, I am her dad.
Me; Just let me know when you are willing to be 100% open, honest, sincere and trustworthy. Nothing less. we can sit down and talk.

It may sound bad but I have heard this tune from him a thousand times. He is worried about me shutting him out, and its all about power or control. I am just at the point to where it has to be right and proven or I won't go back there again. Sure Im insecure...he lies, cheats, manipulates.

Ugggh.