One thing to remember is that every situation is different. Sometimes on the boards we get hung up in the rules. The only real rule is:
MORE OF WHAT WORKS, LESS OF WHAT DOESN'T
That's perfect for me!
I've realised that I wasnt very good at actually hearing what H was telling me. He told me over and over and over that he didnt know what to do and that he was confused. But I just thought he does know what to do, he just doesnt want to make a decision and take responsibility. So I forced him into saying that he wanted to leave, when actually he was trying to tell me that he didnt know what to do.
So I'm tying to "seek first to understand, and then seek to be understood". It worked today with a staff member that I have been trying to motivate to do a better job for months. Today I just stopped and listened and heard that he didnt feel like he was appreciated for what he was already doing and so he definitely wasnt going to do what I was asking with any enthusiasm. All he needed was some encouragement (instead of some ass-kicking which was my natural inclination)
H is so silly not to be with me, I'm actually pretty great!
