W less angry with me, but not ready for piecing

[Lanzo]

Ok let me tell you all where I'm coming from,

2005 W and I are in problems, she meets OM, spends night with him I find out. She still maintains contact with him by phone and text for another 3 months. I realise what's going on and I make her break contact. We agree it's done she should have no more contact with him, if he contacts her she would let me know and we deal with it together. Fast forward 2 years W gets very angry with me and uses this as excuse to jump in to full blown A with OM. Hey what happened to no contact.

So from my point of view what happens if we hit bad patch again, has she got OM still waiting ? What I'm after is for W to show some remorse, and to show me that her episode with OM is done. I want her to tell me her no more contact etc me. I don't want to have to tell her. It feels like we've skipped this stage and W wants to move forward as if nothing has happened. I don't feel like I can let that happen. However I can see I need to let the new R strengthen before we discuss potentially hurtful and damaging stuff.