Still sad but movin' on

[alamogirl]

Hey Monica,

I don't blame you for hanging on to hope. I still do. I have read that many WAS regret leaving the marriage. I still fantasize that after a year of divorce, my ex will "come to his senses." I share my feelings here because we're all in this together but I would never share it with a family member or anyone else.

Now to your question...I believe that divorce is hard for everyone. No matter how much a person wanted out or how unhappy a person was in their marriage, divorce is like a death...death of a marriage. To me, and others may disagree, but I think divorce is a bigger step than marriage because it's an end to what was once great between two people. When your STBX submits his final papers...that will be it, and he knows it. Will it change anything if you push him, he's still with the OW, right? I think you know the answer to that :-(.

This is the way I look at it...I've moved on or at least, I'm trying to move on. I don't e-mail or call him unless I'm replying to his e-mail or phone call. Of course, I fantasize like I said earlier, but my plans for my future don't include him. However, for now, I'm leaving the door open. IF, and that's a big IF, my ex were to come around in the near future, I would be open to something, and if it's too late, then it's too late.

I think you need to get on with your life. Keep doing what you're doing going out with friends. If your STBX comes to his senses and starts to come around, you will know if you want him in or out of your life, but at least, you wouldn't have stopped living. Good luck to you. We'll keep in touch.

All my best,
alamogirl