I am glad for that. I hope that you and your D's are having a great new year. I especially hope that he gets his S together and gets back to being a good dad. So many men rely on their W's to be the caretakers, I wonder about that.
Yeah, things are definately in flux here.
I'm not as affected by it as I once was though.
I've been doing well with ignoring bad behavior, and just acting as-if. With grace and style too. Well, as much as I had before all this anyway.
I often wonder if it would be easier with her gone.
Doesn't matter though, things are what they are, I'm giving her space, and doing what I should have been doing at the beginning of her MLC. Also, every day together without fighting is good for the kids. I know that things look bad, and I am planning for the worst, but I owe it to the kids to do every last thing possible until the last possible minute, to save our family. (I still want it to work too, I still love her, and she is still my best friend.)
I'm doing a bang up job at controlling my anger and frustration, and not letting her push my buttons.
There was some reading that helped my understanding of what is going on inside of her.
It really hurt.
It also helped me detach. It let me get a glimpse into her mind and internalize the idea that to her, right now, it IS over.
To her, right now, I'm not the one.
I can't express how I feel about finally internalizing that idea.
We need a smiley that is barfing to express that.
I spent two days reading, the most hurtful ever. The most helpful ever.
I think I detached more in those 2 days than I have since this started 3 years ago.
(Email me if you are interested in the link.)
Having control of my emotions again feels good.
I'm not where I need to be yet, I have some hurts and anger ahead, but I like being back in control of me, and I like the strength that comes from knowing that I'll be OK either way.
In a shallow vein, I got hit on again, and I liked that too.
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
