Its hard for me to post these days because things are so up and down in our house.
H volunteered that he saw OW at grocery store today. I said I figured he did, its 'their' day. He didn't talk to her, he says. Ok, fine. Are you mad, he asks. Not mad, disappointed, but I can't change anything and that's what I told him.
Another thing he said was that he wished I had feelings for someone else. Why, I ask. Because it'll make things easier. Easier for what? If I leave, then you'll have someone. I told him not to worry about me, other than missing the kids, I would be fine.
These things hurt when he says them/does them, but I am trying to 'big picture' it here. I hope he is not using me (sex), I don't think he is, I think he is attempting some sort of reconnect, but is afraid to do anything else. Maybe its some sort of weird 'reclaiming' thing, since he thinks I am cheating. Now, I miss a lot more of him than I did before we were having sex. Don't believe everything he says, right??
I just wish something would be decided, something would be done. But then again, I am not in a hurry to do anything, just don't want to lose him just yet. I am not making sense.
We talk on and off during the day, about OW, about money, about the girls, about us. Some joking, some serious. I could ramble on forever. I don't know if I should bring up Florida again.
