W has filed for the D,where to from here

[micoms]

HHIF,

Yes they have to find out for themselves. Talked to a friend of my W's, she said W is chasing after a M'd co-worker. That he won't ever leave his W for her, but apparently she thinks she will change his mind. They have had a PA I'm pretty sure of, recieved a letter from super 8 thanking her for her recent stay, which she had the next day off.

W never initiates contact, she will return a call from me though. Like I've said, no exageration, when she isn't working all she does is sleep. I'm going to try to call her later in the week.

First day back to work, it felt good. They are keeping me on light duty so far.

Mike

[grid, lost]

[quote=HHIF]

Thank you,I have come a long way during this seperation.I try to focus on the positive things that have come from this,
I have gotten much closer to God during this time,have been a christian for thirty years,but have never spent the time I do now reading the bible and talking with God.
I have made new friends that I probably wouldn't have met if not for this trial.

Faith is a lighthouse so many of us fail to turn to in good times and bad times. Have a couple Christian friends neighbors and they have really worried and looked after me. Wish H could find a sense of peace with faith as something to turn to. Maybe none of this would have happen to us.
Maybe we all should post three or four positives from our trials we didn't have before. Of course has to be on a good day for me or else I'll have zip to post. lol oh, dear none of this is a laughing matter

She has been with me since she was 15 and now just feels like she just went from being daughter to girlfriend to wife and then became mom,and now feels like she never had a chance to find out and develope who she is a an indivual,I understand that

the attorneys to take a hike and quit sucking up all of our money

.

I can see how your W feels and how she got there. Running is not the answer though. D is running to a new face and a new set of problems.
Way to many attornies feed on emotion and anger. They shouldn't but they do. Of course with an angery client who asks how to do this or that attorney has to help them, by law or dismis theirself. Their bills can drain life savings and put one in debt for years. All the attornies do is go out and put lien on any property till paid or stop services. You are correct stop feeding the attorney machine. Neither you or mike have the OP involved. I do and that one is a real Wall.
grid, lost

[grid, lost]

.

I told her we need to find something to do together, bike riding, dance classes, join a social club and be active in it ... But she would have to find something to do to call her own also. Instead she wants a D and a job that makes her tired all the time and is asleep when she isn't working. She has slept as much as 15 hours straight

Mike funny you mention this. Over years H and I watch several couples D and each go off find this unusual hobby / activity. Then two of them would become near best friends. H and I use to say all they had to do was each find new off wall activity and save the M. What a waste. Of course not that simple but you get my point.

[micoms]

One thing W said was we never talk, I told her you have to be awake to talk. Another was we didn't do anything together. I tried to get her to show an interest in something but every thing I'd bring up she shot down and never suggested anything herself. I'm going to try talking with her this weekend.

A guy I bowled with is going to start dating his XW. She left him for another man and now leaving him for my friend. She told friend six months ago she thought she gave up too soon. Maybe that's my road, D and get back again. But what a waste of money and time.

Mike

[grid, lost]

She told friend six months ago she thought she gave up too soon. Maybe that's my road, D and get back again. But what a waste of money and time.

I have heard many of person who was on their second M or serious R say just that. They would comment had I put as much effort into my first M as I am now we never would have D ..That is sad.
Yes, D your W, make a couple fancy car payments for the attorney and all of this makes sense. Just forget the MC. Stay low let W weave her own rope.

H and I always agreed if we got to this serious a point. 12 wks of MC before walking away. What a lie that was.
grid, lost

[HHIF]

There are allot of positive things that have come out of this negative situation.

The bible talks about praising God when we are going through trials because he uses these times to make changes in us,he test us to see how strong our faith and trust really are.

I never really understood that until now,he has been trying real hard to teach me paitence,my faith and trust have gotten stronger and I am much more patient than I have ever been.

There is no question God has used this to make me a better person,I don't know if my marriage will survive,but I am going to keep having faith and trusting that his will is going to be done.

My wife is a believer also and she knows what the bible says about how God hates divorce,our S12 goes to a christian school and has read scriptures to his mom about divorce and commitment,she didn't like it but I know she heard it and I'm sure it is weighing on her.

She does need her space and does need to find her identity,but like you said divorce is not the road to happiness,embracing what she has been blessed with and growing as a person while still being a good wife and mom is where she will find true happiness,but she has to figure that out for herself,I will just keep being a good friend and keep working on that patience thing.

[micoms]

I agree HHIF, my W lost who she was, she went form mommy to just working. I know I could have done more around the house to help and I realize that now. But she never asked for help just like I never asked for help with the outside of the house, yard work, the pool, upkeep on our vehicles. Although on the cars as I started to make more money, I'd just as soon pay someone to mess with them (I used to be an auto mech).

I know that I also haven't been happy the last few years of our M, but I didn't look at D or finding a OW as the cure. Our sex life was nearly a zero for years, I never looked for a one night stand. If someone should have stepped outside of the M I guess I had cause. ML about 4 or 5 times a year for years. I kept waiting for the forties to kick in, they never did.

Mike

[BradNL]

Hi micoms,

Just wanted to show you a poem, a favourite of my W's... ironic, sad and very true.

http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/998.html

Keep offering, maybe one day our W's will see.

[HHIF]

There have been times when I wasn't thrilled with married life but I never thought about divorcing my wife,commen sense tells you that feelings come and go,you just work through them and be patient and things will change.

My wife can't seem to understand that,she just keeps the same lines about we have grown apart and I don't have those in love feelings for you anymore and I just want to move on with my life.

It's really hard to believe that this woman that I spent 27 years with and has told me in the past what a good husband I was and how lucky she was to have me,and now she is ready to walk away from me and crush our kids,I just don't get it.

[micoms]

Thanks Brad, Hopefully all our S's will see.

HHIF,

There were times in our M that I was frustrated with my W. lack of a sex life, working nights, not wanting to do things with me... but I never once considered leaving her or D'ing her. We've been married 27 years and together over 30. Not once did I stray, was tempted but valued my life with her and the kids too much to risk it all for a fling.

One of thi things my W said was I deserve someone better than her. I guess out of guilt.

Mike