Essie, I'm trying to tell myself "I dont like it, but I accept that we are separated, our relationship is in the poo, and that my lovely husband does not exist at this moment".
You made me laugh so hard!! This is so good..... I can practice telling myself the same thing!
One thing to remember is that every situation is different. Sometimes on the boards we get hung up in the rules. The only real rule is:
MORE OF WHAT WORKS, LESS OF WHAT DOESN'T
So if contacting your H works... then do it more!! Contact without pursuit. Contact without pressure. But of course this is all up to you. You know what is right!
I myself am Pitch Black Dark right now and have been for wow, 2 1/2 months now. I have this whole timeline in my head worked out of how we'll get back together. But I have to be ready to adjust everything... because like you said, I am not in control!
You are doing such a good job -- I am inspired by you!
