W less angry with me, but not ready for piecing

[Lanzo]

I wasn't going to post on my sitch today but some positive things on my mind

Sunday night we watched the third of 4 movies I rented, and another cool night in.
W says she has enjoyed staying in this weekend cos it's helped with her cough and cold and she just enjoyed spending time at home. She asked me on 3 occasions if my weekend was ok, of which I said yes each time. I can understand asking once but 3 times Hmmm....

We have one more movie to watch and W said lets save it for Friday and have another night in.

Bedtime we chatted for a while before falling asleep, W seem to be leading these chats, then we have that awkwards silence before we fall asleep, we're close enough to touch but I don't. I thought to myself I'm not saying good night first, and I'm not asking for a hug or a kiss, she can ask if she wants. I just hope she's not laying there thinking why doesnt he make a move. I'm still keeping my expectations low so I don't get disappointed.

I've got the book five love languages, I've not read it yet but I would have a good guess that quality time is right up there as a primary LL for W.

[Lian]

You left a comment on my post and I thank you for that, In a way I am happy to read your posts we are in a similar situation, though your situation is better, I hope to be in that position soon.

Now wife is sleeping in another room, asks daily about divorce/selling the house and barks at me almost non-stop.

I hope we will make some peace soon...

[Lanzo]

R talks start to trickle from W.

She called me today at work to let me know that she had left her car keys in the car ignition overnight which was very careless of her. (something she always accuses me of). She said it was the excitement of the new TV which made her forget.

Then W went on to talk more about the TV and then about a repair job I did in the bathroom ( W still angry with me... page 11 01/07/08). She said now she feels that we have started to move forward again. Her feeling was in the past she was trying to make these improvements in our lives but she felt she was doing it on her own with little help from me, so in the end she just gave up on us. I told W that in the past I couldn't see that I was doing anything wrong, but over these past few months I've had a long hard look at myself and I can see all of the mistakes I've made. I told her now we need to talk, if something needs doing we talk about it, if we don't have the immediate answer we talk more. She agreed with this.

So we left it at that (cos I had to go to a meeting), I'm hoping W will talk more now but I won't push it.


PS: I had a feeling something would happen today cos when W saw how I dressed for work she just said " Wow, look at you.. where are you going today" this was said in a friendly flirty way.

[fb2]

R talks start to trickle from W.

That's good news! You mentioned her LL is Quality Time so keep doing things to "connect". Looks like the TV was a good investment ;). Continue to go nice and slow.

On the fixing things part ... often W's are unreasonable or too critical so they don't end up getting what they want. So it would be worthwhile to train your W to talk about such things respectfully instead of demanding because these things take time, $, skill, etc. and you already have a long todo list.

[not an ex yet]

Lanzo,
I have to admit I haven't read through all of your previous posts, bit they always struck my attention as my H is soooo angry all the time!!! Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to the point that you have but I'm still hanging in there.
Anyway, I just wanted to say congrats on your progress! This all sounds wonderful and very positive!!
It is so great that your W can see forward movement and you agree on changes that need to be made.

BTW, did fb2 just say you need to "train" your W?!

[fb2]

BTW, did fb2 just say you need to "train" your W?!

Like riding a bicycle. Takes training to develop good patterns of communication and to recognize and undo bad patterns.

[not an ex yet]

I see. Just giving you a hard time

[GFI]

Hi bud,

Just calling by to see how you're doing, and it all reads pretty positive -I note the bit about W telling you that previously she felt as if she alone was putting effort in. So, she senses/sees your investment now and whats more sees this in a positive light.

Thats great!

Best - GFI

[Lanzo]

Hey

Maybe I should start a new thread "W very happy with me"..... (just kidding).

Well W is very happy, We've mounted this 32" flat screen TV on the wall in our very large kitchen, she can now watch her programs as she does her thing in there. Yes she's happy cos this was something we were planning to do a few years back but it just didn't happen (I didn't make it happen). W is now dusting off all of the home renovation plans we had from a few years back, she told me again she feels happy cos she feels we're getting back on track. I've repaired things in the bathroom, I've refitted the small bedroom. We're discussing things about the house and to her credit she's discussing them in a sensible manner, it will take 12 months for this, 2 years for that. She asked me was I happy, hmmm.. I said I'm getting there.

Why only getting there you may ask. Well there are so many thing that have happened, she has given me so much sh*t and I've taken it. I don't want the events of the last few months to go unspoken, I want things to be discussed and put to bed. I want her to open up and address them. I want her to realise that the family she's now telling me she holds so dear was nearly destroyed by her.

I don't want to move on and ignore all that has happened, I want her to own up and be responsible for her actions.

Also (and this was one of my old arguments which I will not bring up with her) she jumped into be with OM at the click of a finger, and for the last 3 year she's telling me I need to be patient.

Am I hoping for too much, or do I just go with her new found euphoria and see where it takes us. Need some one to talk to me about this, should I be grateful for what I've got or should I be demanding more.

[fb2]

Lan,

I don't want to move on and ignore all that has happened, I want her to own up and be responsible for her actions.

She would probably figure this out on her own down the road but may never admit it. There's probably a lot more work to do on the R before the dust settles. Continue to show her what works and what doesn't.

Am I hoping for too much, or do I just go with her new found euphoria and see where it takes us. Need some one to talk to me about this, should I be grateful for what I've got or should I be demanding more.

Be grateful, you'll feel better for it. I'd say "cautious optimism" ... go with the flow for a while longer ... let her cement the R some more. The TV was a hit ... get one or two more like this under the belt.