I'm going to share some observations, knowing full well that I perhaps have not earned the right to express them. I can only say Frank that I think a great deal of you as a man, and it truly breaks my heart to hear the pain that you are living with. If you, or any of those close to you, would like me to remove these observations, say the word and I will delete the post.
Now then,
...your hypothetical post from your wife almost sounds like she has been DB'ing YOU.
...on the other hand, at the very least, it can definitely be said that she has DONE very little on behalf of the two of you
...at the same time she certainly has had no compunction about doing things for OTHER men
...is she done? could she be done? I thought we counseled new members here to assume that it is lost, to focus on themselves, and see what happens in the future
...when did we get in the business of predicting the future anyway? when did we start answering questions that aren't answerable? and when did trying to do so stop constituting poor DB'ing?
...and I learned from you, and FIB, and Jeff, that DB'ing was not about the marriage, but about me
...drinking, depression, and obsessing over things we cannot/do not control is bad stuff, and is infinitely more worthy of your time and attention than trying to do the impossible - change another person
...you're absolutely right and justified to be morally outraged about messing with a married man, and your nose is NOT off either. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, etc..
...and this may be strong but, you need space from this woman Frank, serious space.
I agree wholeheartedly with AmyC that your wife is a serious liability to you right now. You are too caught up in HER and YOU. Once again it's the old LBS scenario. She's ready to go, she's processed it, found relative peace with it. You are caught by surprise to some extent and are forced to come to peace with it while enduring her new found "happiness." Bad scenario in my opinion.
I never bought in to the notion that having them at home was better than having them gone. Too much pain. Too much pressure. Too much temptation to do all those things that only impair any positive future relationship.
Frank, I wish I could say something that would help.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
