She needs to wake up and live like a real adult would.
This is kind of the bottom line here. Remember what you were saying the other day before the shocking twist. You are in control of your life, even more so now without the alcohol (and way to go on that btw), and you seemed pretty prepared to let go of her and move on if she was going to continue her childish ways. Don't forget that, that you know what you want, it's up to her to show that she's what you want.
Plus, she knows this time is being used for thinking and figuring things out, you'd think of all times now is when she'd be on her best behavior if she really wants to have some kind of future with you. If she can't act like an adult for 90 days, how can you expect it for the next X years? Let her show you who she really is, then you can make your decision.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
Thanks for the redirect. The text was lame, childish and stupid, I just want to let her know I see her games. Which is even more idiotic because I was there when she said no to me, so she knows I know. Pot stirring! BAD! BAD Atlas!
As SD says, here are my 2 cents (get what you pay for):
I don't think you need the stress of W right now. Given that you are working on your drinking problem right now, my advice is to avoid her like Jack Daniels. Your position may seem secure right now, but it is precarious.
Having said all that, please know we are all proud of you. One day at a time, friend.
Best, Chris
Me: 40 She: 31 S: 5 D: 3 Married: 8 years (05 DEC 99) Blow-up: 02 JUN 07 Piecing (More like Ostriching): 22 FEB 08
She truly isn't my focus and I am far enough detached to not worry about it affecting my alcohol issues. Matter of fact, I was speaking with an AA friend that is dealing with what I am, he asked what I expect to see in the 90 days from her side.
I told him, that in all honesty, outside of maybe some hanging out and sleeping on my couch, she won't bring up any IC, MC, Retro, no steps whatsoever. I said I would be totally floored to see her do anything of the sort. He asked what I expected out of her then. To try and find a way to manipulate the situation for her advantage or money.
It's horrible to say this, but that is the way i see it. Everytime she needs a check, even if I legally owe it to her, she is peaches and cream, rest of the month, ah go eff yourself. Like I have said before, this is how her mother is towards W's father, I think they are just those type of people that aren't really happy unless they are miserable, or so they think.
Man the world just keeps shaking, I hope I don't drop it!
I'm sick as can be with S's cold now. Gotta love daycare. Well prior to hitting a meeting I TM'ed W to let her know that I probably wasn't going to work tomorrow and if she wanted me to take S to daycare, or if she wanted me to bring him to her in the morning.
She got right back and said she was feeling so much better and would watch him tonight so I could sleep. So I hit up a meeting and then made my way to W's house. She was wearing the PJ's I got her for X-mas and the necklace again is back on.
She asked me to hang for a bit, said I looked like I was picking up some good weight and looked good. I've been hitting the gym a lot lately. When I got ready to leave I initiated a hug, but not a couples hug, the one arm over the shoulder pat on the back, butt out and no push for some closeness. It really threw her, she was trying to pull me close and I just said "Your awesome! Keep being a great mom."
I got a why are you acting so diffrent. We haven't really spent any real time together since X-mas, and I was half tanked and basically handed her her gifts and walked out. All I said is it's been some time without booze and I just feel good. She then asked where she thought we were going with things, all I said is "It is up to God and his will."
She is back on her heels right now for sure. I just feel good about life, and don't need a drink, and what happens will happen. Just realizing I'm not the director and have to let go of control and do what I can with what I got.
Oh, I left this out last night. So W figures her ulcer and other medicial issues are attributable to me. Which I understand, but that still isn't ownership on her behalf.
She apologized again for the A last night and leaving the way she did. I tried to stop her, saying look, I'm not upset about I have forgiven you and your not in a condition to talk stressfull things, so leave it alone for now.
She then stated she realized something isn't right in her life, and she is seeing a psychologist. Already had one session. WOW! That blew me away, I can't beleive she is really working on herself. I told her I would support her in any way she needed with it and she was grateful.
After leaving some of the fog behind it is getting rather clear to see that W's love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. Not sure the order yet. I think those are tough ones to DB under because you can't really do LRT or semi-dark or anything with those.
I find if I'm around her, she seems to be cheerful usually and wants me to stay. So I'm going to take the lead on that and just see what happens.
She also asked if she could take S on a week long vacation to visit some family and recoup a little. But she was really nervous like I was going to say no and asked like a child asking daddy. I think she was pretty floored when I was like, that sounds like a lot of fun, I'm sure he would really enjoy that. You guys will have an awesome time. I didn't want to say why yes of course, like I was the gatekeeper or something. I wanted to let her know that she can make decisions and follow through with them.
Sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you. It's great to hear you feeling so strong. Can't wait to see how things progress.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Poor W had a really bad night at work. Ended up having to do some emergency crises C'ing. I told her not to worry that I would make arrangements with S and I. Sent her a nice TM just saying, Don't worry about S, I'll make arrangements, you do what you do best.
When she arrived late tonight, she asked how I was doing with AA, told her great. Having a good time with sober people. She initiated a big hug and told me she was so proud of me. Nice to feel and hear that for sure.
One thing that is weird, is that I have been warned to not pursue anything with women, that becoming sober my libido would fly through the roof and that I'm just confused right now. I have found actually the opposite. I don't really seem to be looking at women that way. I really hope this passes.
But I noticed with W first. I'm not really attracted to her anymore. I don't know if that has to do with the A, or no booze, or what. I think she is a sexy women, but I think that is because I can recall our past intimacy, however, I just don't really feel much towards her sexually. Probably to early to tell, but thought I should tracking it just in case this is an issue with the A and not the drink.
Who knows, may never have to ask and answer these questions. Just sort of playing scrabble with my head right now.
