Inmyplace, Thank you for that sound advice. I agree with you whole heartedly that I need to nip it in the bud. I guess I just don't even know where to begin? He never tells me what he is or was thinking. This time that he left me, he was very nice and kind and kept saying that it wasn't anything I did, it was just that he doesn't feel like he is in love with me the way he used to be. He had said that it was like I was putting 200% into reconciling while he was only able to contribute about 50%. He said he knew it was unfair to me and that it was ok that I was hurting so bad. He kept saying (like he did the first time) that he was just not attracted to me anymore. How do I work on fixing things, that I don't know how to fix. I don't think I am a HOTTIE or anything, but I do know I get hit on and looked at a lot by other men (so, I am obviously not that unattractive). Besides, you can not change genetics. I am short and thin and in very good shape(6 pack abs and all). How do I become more attractive to him? I know that If he ever does come back again, that I want it to be for real and to not be a revolving door. I guess I need to put my foot down at that time, and let him know that I can not accept him back until he proves his love for me this time: (he could make some huge apologies, stop being an alcoholic, be more social and want to do things with all of our old friends/family). The thing is that last time I brought up most of these issues, and @ first he seemed to be working on them well, but then it just dwindeled. Maybe if he does return again(as many people keep saying he probably will-even his mom)I should make more of an effort to not let my emotions control me. I should do more thinking with my head and voice the problems I can see, and if he makes an effort, then we can start to be friends, then date, then get romantic, and finally recommit and move back in together- as long as he keeps working at his issues. last time we waited about 3 weeks to move back in together, but we were with each other all the time in those three weeks, and were making love. I guess I would have to set some time limits as to when to jump back into things as long as he met certain expectations w/in that time (or at least tries). I also am trying to not get too hopefull, as I know that he may never return, or even if he does it probably wont be for a long time. I guess I am just trying to prepare myself for what might lie ahead and figure out what has or has not worked for others. Is this what you meant? Any other ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Tipper p.s. He stopped by for the 2nd time today (since dec. 18th = the 2nd bomb) to walk the dog while I was at work and left a note thanking me for allowing it & to take care. I will not respond/call him as their is no need to.
