MC session #2 today. My strategy was to get her to vent about everything she felt was wrong in the marriage. I didn't want to make things worse by defending myself, accusing her, etc. So...I admitted some things: I'm not a good communicator -- working to improve, have not been kind and understanding all the time, etc., etc. Essentially, I fell on my sword with flourish. W gobbled it up. It was like a cathartic for her. So for those of you in MC with an MLC spouse, this might be a good approach. She was talkative afterwards, and even agreed to have lunch with me.
For those of you going through this, I've found mid-afternoon to be a really hard time. That's when I feel the world crashing-in and I feel emotional...have to excuse myself and go sit in my car and sob for a few minutes then get back to the desk. Don't know why it's that time of day....
One thing W said in MLC that I hadn't heard before: "I don't know if I have the energy to become emotionally attached to him again." That's a beauty of a line, huh?
Detach, detach. GAL, GAL. I've decided I'm going to look for some volunteer opportunities to get me out and meeting others and keep me from sulking around the house.
Boy, this hurts bad. My heart goes out to anyone else going through this. We need a friggin' support group, people!!
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Afternoon, is usually the slow time. Usually you have more time to think rather than react. Mornings are usually more organized with catching up and working on projects.
Volunteering! Great idea. Do you have any hobbies that might have a club in your area? You'd be surprised. There are even board game clubs otu there. From monopoly to chess. There are even reading clubs. Many new ways to meet people and get out.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Went to the doctor for a nasty chest cold. The doc was awesome. He looks at my chart and observes that I've started AD's.
Doc: Why are you depressed? Me: After 23 years, my wife isn't sure she wants to be married anymore. Doc: Got kids? Me: Yup. Grown and out of the house. That's when all this started. Doc: So are the kids happy and healthy? Me: Absolutely. Doc: Did you have some happy times over those 23 years? Me: Without a doubt. Doc: So...screw her. Trade her in for a 25 year old!
Love that guy...
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Three nights in a row with no MLC talk! Not a single "I don't know" or "We've changed".
Last night we relaxed, ate dinner together, engaged in harmless chit-chat, and watched TV together. Nice, calm, evening.
Oh...and she talked to the EA OM, and actually brought me into the conversation! (Remember, he WAS an old friend of mine, too). I acted like nothing was wrong, engaged in harmless chit chat with him, as did my W. Conversation lasted less than 20 minutes. She didn't talk to him again the rest of the night.
That's big.
In fact, her conversations with him have been getting shorter and shorter over the past few days.
What changed? She's talking to ME more, because I've made myself available and receptive.
Do what works...do what works...do what works...
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Yep I have been buried in work. I did email you but I'm not sure if my emails are getting through or if people's replies are getting to me. A couple of other people have had trouble getting emails to and from me.
I am so glad that your W seems to have called a truce these last few days. Lets hope she is beginning to see the light!!!!!
Hopefully you will have a better weekend this weekend than the last few have been.
How is the sleep thing going? Are you managing to sleep better? I am having to pull some all nighters at the moment because my client's are giving me their work so late!!!!!!!!
Will try sending you an email over the weekend if I get a break in my work schedule
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
