craig, i am very sorry to hear the sad news. i can not help but think that our happiness is directly linked to what our spouses decide to do. this is why it is so important to gal. i know this but i have not been able to do it properly yet. you know since i discovered this forum it is obvious that i have grown fond of several people and it hurts like hell when one of them has a setback. you are a man of faith and have asked the lord to guide you through this i am sure. i sincerely hope your prayers will be answered.
w looked very quizzical and asked me what i thought about her filing. ???. i said do what you need to do.
I think it's okay to be honest with her, just not all emotional. It's okay to tell her it's scares the crap out of you, it's a nightmare, and it's not what you want. But do it with the courage and strength that comes from your strong faith in God. Let Him be your strength.
On the practical side. You might want to do some quick research on mediation as opposed to filing for D. Mediation is MUCH less expensive, especially for two people who are at minimum civil with each other. My W and I went through mediation and created a financial separation, which was to be followed by a marital dissolutionment that didn't happen, thank God.
Don't underestimate your W's desire to have you fight for her.
Hang in there Craig, it ain't over till it's over brother!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
cog, to be honest she seemed disappointed in my lack of reaction. temporarly forgot about don't believe 100% of what she says. she was touched by my apology. after we got home we had to rush and buy a new dryer, because the one we had went kaput. we had a half hour to drive into town purchase one and get back home and hook it up. we did it together , as a team . always been a great team. then this morning i cleaned off the ice off her car so she could go to work. loving her no matter what. man it is hard sometimes.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Let me echo COG. My W & I also worked out the asset split apart from lawyers (no mediation, just us). She then had separation papers drawn (almost a year ago). I haven't signed them. She asked me to hold off back in July and we've been talking and working toward something since.
Also - my W actually said the words that COG suggested. "Why didn't you fight for me?", she asked a few months ago.
Stay strong Craig - this is a test and you will pass as long as you remain grounded in knowing, by His word, He has "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11. God doesn't go back on promises. He asks you to do the same.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
cog,phil, i can always count on your spiritual input. praise God. i will let wife know i will fight for her any way i have to. i believe loving her unconditionally is starting point. it seems to have the biggest impact so far. there is spiritual warfare going on. i can see a lot of indecision in her. i am praying for her constantly. i know she sees the changes in me. she does not know what to make of them. she just needs to see me consistently doing these changes.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
craig - I may not post here, but I follow along and i'm sorry to read that you guys have come to this point. I agree with the previous posts that you should see if there is a step you can take before the actual D. It's not to say you can't both come back together after D, but it's be easier if it wasn't that permanent.
I really wanted to say that i your prayers and unconditional love for your W are reallt so encouraging for me to see. Reminds me of Phil 2:3-4... "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." It may be hard and no ones perfect, but I can totally see that you are really concerned for your W. Not only to fix the M or to get her back, but because you love her. Awesome.
I heard something so smart in church the other day. There are so many verses about the power of prayer in the bible, but the key is truly believing that God WILL do what you've asked him. So many times i pray and then try to figure out how how to get things done on my own, really it's so important to trust God and know that he will provide for you as promised.
Fight for her and hang in there.
Last edited by ann25; 01/16/0807:56 PM.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
ann, thank you very much. did not mean to pick on your husband. but i read your situation everyday, and i see how much you are trying do make up for the ea. i get you about trying to circumvent the Lord and try and do it ourselves. i know with out a doubt than i cannot do anything but love my wife unconditionally. the Lord is control. i just need to remember that when i get down. everything has been so smooth the last month. then this. over the last 4 months this is the pattern. w seeems to go 3-4 weeks and then decides to do something about the divorce. then when time comes to do it , she doesnt. i know at dinner last night, when she told me she was going to file. i did not say anything at all. i just went on to the next subject. caught her by surprise. so , on one hand it seems she says things to get a reaction. on the other when i dont react, she seems baffled. she says she cannot start fresh with me because she feels no attraction like a wife should for her husband. how can i argue with that.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
No worries about my H. He does need to grow up. I've been trying really hard and at some point he's just going to have to accept what happened as a mistake and move on. I can't do that for him though, so it gets frustrating.
funny, it probably didn't even surprise you that much to hear it again. Not that it makes it any easier, but still. I personally think that she is confused. For me, I find myself having random thoughts about being alone or not being able to stay with H, but when i have them, I just talk to God. I say, please God, no more of those thoughts... then i flip on the radio or make a phone call or something. If i think like that it will distroy me and my resolve to make this M work.
She is giving up hope. I have no attraction for my H, so I can see how hopeless that feels. I know it's terribly hard. I just keep praying that i'll figure out how to bring it back, that God will help me feel those things again.
You're right, there is no arguing with her. Those are her feelings. I know that other's may argue this point, but I think her living alone for a little while might help. Seems backwards to think that her leaving will bring her back, but if she has a chance to miss you, it may make a world of difference.
ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
ann, she wants to live in our travel trailer at a rv park a few miles from home. still come to house everyday to see kids. you are right it might take living on her own to miss me. it is in Gods hand. i can speculate until hell freezes over, it will make no difference. the hard part for me , is how much of a tragedy this is. because the problem is so fixable. i have read hundreds of stories of the same problem being fixed, with alot of committment and hardwork on both spouses parts. we are best friends. it just hurts to see it fall apart. sorry for pity party.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
she says she cannot start fresh with me because she feels no attraction like a wife should for her husband. how can i argue with that.
One sure thing you can bank on in this mess of unknowns, "feelings change". Your W loved you enough to marry you, but her "feelings changed". What's to say they can't "change" in reverse.
Quote:
because the problem is so fixable.
In your reality the problem is "fixable", but in HERS it is not, yet.
Quote:
i have read hundreds of stories of the same problem being fixed, with alot of committment and hardwork on both spouses parts.
Well I haven't read hundreds, but I've known a few. Many times it only takes the committment and hardwork of ONE S to change the sitch.
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she wants to live in our travel trailer at a rv park a few miles from home.
The positives there are that she's not wanting to move 150 miles away. That says alot right there. Count your blessings.
The trick is to introduce your W to OM, the OM in YOU!
Start by treating her like you would a casual friend, or a woman that you just met, and are interested in. Friendly, polite, charming, and light.
Enjoy the new YOU!
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
