Do you even know that working on yourself is not the same as giving up?
Do you believe none of the stuff you have told other people?
And if you do believe it, tell me why are you so special that none of it applies to you???
I don't know that yet, that working on myself is not the same as giving up. I'm driven to 'fix'. I think you know that about me and you know why that is.
Suppressing the need to 'fix' is hard. Listening to the "I'm done" speach is hard. Stumbling upon this EA was unexpected and pushed my morality buttons.
Too often in my mind 'not fixing' makes me either
a) Guilty or b) A victim.
You saw what I did 2 years ago. I fixed her. She WAS broken then and it was partly because I HAD BEEN BROKEN and she couldn't cope any more. Afterwards I needed her to help fix me but she couldn't. Now she sees no other choice, she has to leave to be happy. It seems like it's always the 'positive interactions' with some other man that gives her the catalyst to be able to finally 'do' it. The "I can be happy elsewhere" feeling.
So yes, it's hard for me to understand that 'fixing me' is not 'giving up'. And I am not 'so special' that it doesn't apply to me. I'm picking myself up from a bad place where I wallowed for so long and got no help, while facing the same response I got last time I was in that place - a wife who gives up on me when I'm at my lowest, when I've given up on myself.
I sure would like the opportunity to pick myself up while also being in a stable relationship. Any takers? I may be broke but I'm a nice guy.
So, I'm listening now. I don't need a doctor but I am trying to get an appointment with my counselor to fix ME now.
I won't post about my wife any more except with any interesting updates. I am shutting her out from now on except around the kids. She will make her mistakes with the EA or whatever else she does and I'm done with her in that regard. The trust is violated again and I cannot do anything about it.
I'll re-read my threads and listen to the advice of the other wise DB'ers. I'm a newbie again.
I'm making a 'to do' list to get out of debt and prepare for divorce / separation. That's a start
