day by day

[SallyM]

lwb, stay strong honey, stay strong. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[Heartbroken]

LWB,

It sounds like some positive 'Baby steps' as I always say. What your H fails to realize - b/c they really can't or don't want to - is you will not be the same kind of friends if you D. Or at least I could not - it would hurt to much. My H finally admitted he would have made the biggest mistake leaving me - yet his arrogance lets him believe I would have waited for him or still would have been close to him. What they fail to realize is truly how deep the hurt cuts us and if they continue on the path to end the M then they ultimately will end the true friendship - for me they go hand in hand....

Go on the trip and make it a happy and fun family time - let him see what he stands to lose. He is still unsure of how to really come back to you (it only took my H three times to figure it out - how I lasted that long is beyond me!!!).

You are his beacon of light as someone put it - help him find his way 'home'!!!

HB

[SallyM]

yeah, my h seemed to think we would be the same friends we were while married, we just wouldn't be married anymore.

seriously, delusional.

lwb, hope your d is doing better today.

[Ohio_Mark]

Gotta chime in here, I have heard similar things from my wife. "We can still all go to dinner together."

Um... does "all" include Shrek??? I mean, when I re-marry, I will not want my new wife going to dinner (or anywhere, really) with her ex-husband and their kids (and excude me). It's crazy talk.

No, no, no. It all changes with divorce. They think it's all gonna be "one big happy" only with mommy and daddy living separate lives.

[fightingirish]

Lwb,

I have to agree with Mark... How can that work?? Most cases it doesn't and he's kidding himself if he thinks that it will ever be normal if that happens.

I hope he comes around lwb, and realizes what he is giving up.

(((hugs)))

tal

[LL44]

H has also told me (to add to the 'crazy talk' list) "Everything will be the same with my family, you can still come to all the functions and be the same part you are now.". Oh does that mean that I bring the chips and OW brings the dip?

Heartbroken...

What they fail to realize is truly how deep the hurt cuts us and if they continue on the path to end the M then they ultimately will end the true friendship - for me they go hand in hand....

Yes, H fails to see the hurt he caused. In fact, yesterday in one sentence he took NO blame for this summer, and then in the next sentence he says "It was my poor choices". ???? And I totally agree, how could anyone stay the exact same type of friends after a D? It just wouldn't work, at least not for me. And yes, true deep friendship go hand in hand with marriage, in my book.

[Yoyowife]

LWB,
He is such a confused man! If he brings up again that you will get your hopes up if you go on the trip together, tell him no, you just want to this trip to be about the girls...

I swear these WAS are crazy....

[SallyM]

Oh does that mean that I bring the chips and OW brings the dip?

omg, lwb, thank god I gave up diet coke, because I literally snorted the water I was drinking when I read that. wow, DC would have hurt worse. lol.

[SirPrizeMe]

They ARE nuts. Just remember that.

They want everything to be the same, except for the stress of having to honor their commitments, or face their own unwillingness to do so.

[Heartbroken]

LWB,

In response to your last comment - Yes, H fails to see the hurt he caused. In fact, yesterday in one sentence he took NO blame for this summer, and then in the next sentence he says "It was my poor choices". ???? ---

My H - when he was still in the fog - said he felt we had enough extreme issues to warrent the affair. But when we went to Retrouvaille he said the A only made things worse exponentially - if he had just come to me about his issues/unhappiness then we would not have been in so deep...this caused him and I a lot of pain....

So you cannot even really take what he is saying as what he really believes - he is still talking confused and is spewing the alien BS - for now. My H is finally starting to seem like himself - even my best friend noticed this at the bar on Sat. eve - he is more comfortable and carefree (it's very stressful carrying on their double lives). The thing I worry about now if falling into old ruts and patterns of our old M - I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN. I will never go back to the way it was before the bomb...

So please take everything he says with a grain of salt...and keep watching for those baby steps!!

HB