((((Mike)))) Sorry you're going thru this...it sucks big tyme.
I'm no expert as my sitch is way krazy too. But I found that the best way for me to detach was to start doing things that "I" liked to do. Even if I didn't feel like it and ESPECIALLY when I didn't feel like it! Do Not "do things that SHE will notice or things that "I" think she would like to see me doing"...it's not gonna work. You gotta find the one or two things that you enjoy then go do them even if you have to go by yourself. And when you keep doing things that please you, it's gonna show in the way you deal with your W. She WILL see the changes and improvements. This is the only way you will be able to get through the rough times.
Also, stop talking to those friends who are telling you "You're getting walked on"...."Go file yourself". Now I'm not saying stop kickin' it with them or hanging out with your friends...just stop talking about your sitch with them. Until they are in your shoes and feel what you feel, they will not understand. I know they are trying to give you friendly advice...I mean face it, they care about you. They only want the best for you and don't want you to hurt. And that is wonderful. But they don't really know what's best for you...only YOU know what's best for YOU. And if fighting for your marriage and getting your W back is what is best for you then that's what you do. Regardless of what friends, family, neighbors or the dog thinks about it.
They mean well but will add to your anxiety. If it was me, I would just stop telling them what's going on. Find things that you like to do with them other than sit and talk about your R problems. If the convo starts to steer that way just tell em you don't want to talk about it...and keep it movin'!
