peace: That's how I was looking at it too - 'trust building'. On both sides. No response from H though.
I've been feeling really blah lately. I knew not to expect anything, but seeing positives and then seeing H go running back in to his tunnel isn't easy. So now, I'm feeling despair/desperation/depression. I guess they're all the same or related... Despair that there's no hope for my M. Desperation of wanting (not needing) someone to share my life with. Depression about facing the reality of being a divorced single mother soon with 2 young boys who will grow up without a dad. And that H is a complete idiot for falling for such a bottom-feeding OW that he's even ashamed to admit where he met her. And now he's living his life with her.
Sadly, S5 now says he doesn't care anymore that H isn't coming home. I do believe it's true that children are resilient, but I think this will definitely affect him as an adult.
I used to think that ogre would be the only winner if H and I were to D. But now I see her prize as a broken, damaged man who bears no resemblance to the man I married. I need to convince myself that I can come out on top with this D... I didn't think our M would ever end like this, but I can't take this situation much longer. Especially when I feel like the only reason H isn't filing for D is because he's not ready to marry ogre (H told friend he's not ready for M). Also starting to think that the only reason H wants to help me buy the company I'm working for is so that I will stay in this country and he'll be able to see the boys when he wants. Both are enough to make me want to file and move, but I know I have to do both for the right reasons and not to spite H.
Sometimes it's all so clear to me. Today, it's all just jumbled up in my head again. Plus, the IRL friends who were so supportive and interested in helping seem to have disappeared...
