Thanks. I DO want to work on the marriage. I thought we were and had been making many small steps up until a few weeks ago. She had even started initiating hugs and reaching out to hold my hand. She had said last week that she'd be willing to go to counseling, but yesterday she was totally opposite - very cold and had decided definitely on divorce. This was all before I found out about the A of course. But my only reaction to that info was understanding and forgiveness - I'm not holding on to anger. Just wanted to get her into counseling so we could get some help working through this. So I don't know what caused the change in her wanting D. She has kept saying she can't see us growing old together - I don't think I understand what that means.
I found a really good counselor (I think - he was referred by 2 others) and we have an appt. next tuesday. I'm going to keep PMA, acting as if, and GAL, but I also need to change my other tactics. Up until now I'd been letting her initiate contact, since she had asked for space. Now I feel like I need to instigate a lot more and basically try to court her.
I just don't feel like it's fair that I'm fighting so hard. She had the affair. I also hate that she said she thought she'd know about our R after 3 months of separation, but just felt like things were in limbo - and she's the one who won't talk or work, gee I wonder why we're in limbo and nothing has changed in 3 months! I also haven't figured out what my new goals should be. Before I thought it was just space and time, but now everything seems different. So, is courting and trying to rebuild a R the best course forward or should I keep maintaining a certain LRT since we're also separated? I know Michele says to monitor, but I can't really tell anymore what's working. Too hard with W's swings.
