You say you're going to take care of yourself but I see you becoming obsessive.
A nice way of putting it.
You are still obsessing about things you cannot control. You are snooping on your W. You say it's over with your W but your actions show you do not truly believe that to be the case.
The inconsistencies in your posts are screaming out.
Stop focusing on your W and start doing something positive to boost your self esteem and your family's income.
You start coversations with your W that are going to end with you hurt and angry. She isn't going to suddenly hold up her hands and tell you you are right Frank and beg for your forgiveness - strikes me she is hurting as much as you and is hitting out in ways that she knows will cause you pain as a way of getting back at you.
Please stop focusing on, and posting about, your W . Start telling us what Frank is going to do to help himself.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Do you even know that working on yourself is not the same as giving up?
Do you believe none of the stuff you have told other people?
And if you do believe it, tell me why are you so special that none of it applies to you???
I don't know that yet, that working on myself is not the same as giving up. I'm driven to 'fix'. I think you know that about me and you know why that is.
Suppressing the need to 'fix' is hard. Listening to the "I'm done" speach is hard. Stumbling upon this EA was unexpected and pushed my morality buttons.
Too often in my mind 'not fixing' makes me either
a) Guilty or b) A victim.
You saw what I did 2 years ago. I fixed her. She WAS broken then and it was partly because I HAD BEEN BROKEN and she couldn't cope any more. Afterwards I needed her to help fix me but she couldn't. Now she sees no other choice, she has to leave to be happy. It seems like it's always the 'positive interactions' with some other man that gives her the catalyst to be able to finally 'do' it. The "I can be happy elsewhere" feeling.
So yes, it's hard for me to understand that 'fixing me' is not 'giving up'. And I am not 'so special' that it doesn't apply to me. I'm picking myself up from a bad place where I wallowed for so long and got no help, while facing the same response I got last time I was in that place - a wife who gives up on me when I'm at my lowest, when I've given up on myself.
I sure would like the opportunity to pick myself up while also being in a stable relationship. Any takers? I may be broke but I'm a nice guy.
So, I'm listening now. I don't need a doctor but I am trying to get an appointment with my counselor to fix ME now.
I won't post about my wife any more except with any interesting updates. I am shutting her out from now on except around the kids. She will make her mistakes with the EA or whatever else she does and I'm done with her in that regard. The trust is violated again and I cannot do anything about it.
I'll re-read my threads and listen to the advice of the other wise DB'ers. I'm a newbie again.
I'm making a 'to do' list to get out of debt and prepare for divorce / separation. That's a start
Listen to these people!!! Listen to Amy_C and Jack.
You have GOT to stop with her cell phone!! Trust me that it's going to backfire. You're going to push her to do more just so she can show that you can't control her.
Listen to everyone, and then, get off these boards for a few days.
Being here is part and parcel of the problem.
Here you dwell on the wrong.
BTW Great job on the "I love me wall" Good for you.
The confrontation, normally not a good thing for DBing, also good for you, I say that because I'm not sure that DB tactics are what you need to get Frank back.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
