Oh staying away from that anger. Remember she accused me of harboring the anger and one of the reasons for her walking away. I let God direct me now, nothing but love, compassion and optimism in my heart now.
Now here's the hard thing, man I am fighting the urge to pick up the phone and call her. Oh man is it hard to fight the feeling that I just want to hear her sweet wonderful voice.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Lyrics to a song I love by Jack Johnson. It expresses exactly how I feel about her even though I am lovingly detaching now. Letting love go, if it's meant to be it'll come back.
Jack Johnson - Better Together
There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard No song that I could sing But I can try for your heart and our dreams And they are made out of real things Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-tone lovin' Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart Like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard? It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving I'll tell you one thing It's always better when we're together
Mmmm it’s always better when we’re together Yeah, we’ll look at them stars and we’re together Well, it’s always better when we’re together Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together
And all of these moments just might find Their way into my dreams tonight But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings Or brings new things For tomorrow night you see that they’ll be gone too Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way Into my day to day scene I’d be under the impression I was somewhere in between With only two, just me and you Not so many things we got to do Or places we got to be We’ll sit beneath the mango tree now
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together Mmmm we’re somewhere in between together Well, it’s always better when we’re together Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together Mmmm mmmm mmmmmmmmm
I believe in memories They look so, so pretty when I sleep Hey now and, and when I wake up You look so pretty sleeping next to me But there is not enough time And there is no, no song I could sing And there is no combination of words I could say But I will still tell you one thing We’re Better together
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I think it's safe to say she's mad about a number of things. 1) With my attorney's advice we put a monetary payment on the request to waive two clauses, 2) I think she's mad that I'm not getting mad, my attitude and how I am acting is kind, considerate, optimistic, etc. I'm approaching everything with love, compassion and optimism. But I'm looking out for me. and 3) I suspect she views #2 as me moving on emotionally and she doesn't like it. She's the one harboring all the anger not me. So she can't accuse me of harboring anger anymore. That excuse won't work. Plus I flat out called her out on it when we talked the other morning. I am worried she's harboring a lot of fear and negative feelings as any good friend would do. I told her I can't solve it for her, only she can solve it. But if she would like my assistance then I will be glad to help. She acknowledged I pretty much hit the nail on the head with this analysis and therein lies point 4, she knows I'm right. BTW, she usually gets angry similar to this when she knows I'm right. For a long time it was a standing joke with us. Sadly neither of us are laughing right now.
Last edited by catfan; 01/12/0812:58 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Oh the glowing example of mixed signals that is my wife. On Saturday She "invited" me to dinner. Well she said she'd see me for dinner Sunday evening and wanted to know if 6 was still ok. (Remember we do dinner together on Sunday because it's transition time.) Dinner of course was well planned, fairly simple and as always superb. I greatly appreciated it and made sure I told her like I usually do.
Well I didn't stay long after dinner because the kids needed baths and my wife needed to work on a presentation for a meeting this morning. So the kids ran off to the tub and here she is standing on the hearth by the fire. I walk up to her to say good night. She drops her arms from behind her and I step closer placing my hands on her hips. For the first time in a year and a half she places both arms around me. I just smiled and said, well good night. With a big smile(I'd been in a great mood all day) I told her this as well, "here's what you get from me now and always." She looked me in the eyes began to smile widely and said pleasantly "it's nice" then proceeded to hug me. A two armed full on body hug, I was stunned given her attitude the last few days. Shoot I was surprised by the dinner "invite"!
We then briefly talked about tomorrow night's plans. It's her 40th birthday and I'm taking her and the girls to dinner at the restaurant of her choice. She told me where she'd like to go and it's a place we love and a place we've had some really great memories together over the years.
I'm not reading any more into any of that other than I just enjoyed the moments together last night. Life's short and we need to find the positives and enjoy each moment.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Well in about 20 minutes we meet for dinner, my wife, our kids and myself all to celebrate my wife's 40th birthday.
I've got real mixed feelings right now. My PMA is shaken because all afternoon it's been back and forth with my lawyer. It appears we finally have a separation agreement everyone is willing to sign. So I am meeting with my attorney tomorrow morning to sign. Is this the real beginning of the end or will something new between us ultimately grow from this? I don't know and will not let anxiety get me.
All I do know is Faith is the foundation for my future, love, compassion and optimism are in my heart and soul. It's all rooted in Faith.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Well dinner was fabulous! The kids laughing and full of good cheer. Smiles are had by all. My wife would look over at me and smile as our youngest chattered away in her ever wonderful optimism and happiness. (Honestly I think they both were just super happy to be together as a family.) All I can say is it felt superwonderfulcheerylicious.(a word D9 came up with once) (Honestly I had to wonder if my wife was feeling it too.)
Well we went back to the house so she could open her gifts. I, well the girls and I, got her a very nice lapdesk which she loved. She admitted she'd been looking at them a long time but couldn't seem to muster buying one.
Now the backslide, I broke down and started talking. Dang it I am my own worst enemy! Basically told her I am sorry I couldn't have given her a superb 40th birthday meaning like the one she gave me 2 years ago, the single greatest day of my life! But what I have given was from the heart. An outward sign of who I really am and what's really inside. She thanked me in a heartfelt way. I continued though and said I have faith that we can all move forward somewhere wonderful. Now that we have the negative issue, the sep agreement behind us it's time to move forward in positive ways. Where we go I have faith in God and each of us that will be moving forward somewhere wonderful. I don't know where it is but I know it'll be wonderful no matter what.
Now here's the big blackslide, for what ever reason I couldn't stop myself from saying it, "No matter what a part of my heart will always be yours." To this she turned and began to cry. So I grabbed tissues and she got a bit testy saying she didn't want to go here tonight. To which I replied that I'm not going there I'm just saying all that you see in me, in my actions, in my words is the real me the one finally able to break free of fear. What you see is me, love, compassion, optimism and faith.
Honestly I had to say that part of my heart will always be hers because I feel like it's actually over. That's she's decided but just isn't letting go just yet. So if I was walking out that door it wasn't going to be without showing and saying what's in my heart, who I am and that she is special to me and has and will always have a special place in my heart.
So hopefully one day she'll open her heart, her eyes and her mind to see, I am a wonderful father, a great guy, a great man with a warm, loving and compassionate heart. I have faith in God, in myself, in my family. And no matter what there is something positive in every situation, every person, every idea, every feeling, in short something positive in everything. I can see that, feel that, and know it to be true down to the my DNA.
So I now completely let go and pray that her heart heals and can one day feel the love, compassion and faith.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
The strange thing is that in my experience, when we were together as a family, it was great, but htis never changed my W.'s mind one bit. That was always part of my frustration...why couldn't she just see how great this is!
There are on a different channel, so don't expect them to feel anything that you are. OK, you said what you needed to, but then you saw the eraction from W. Do you think she has any doubt how you feel? Absolutely not! If you keep bringing up R. talk, you validate that what she feels is not right, and that usually pushes them away, which you know anyway. Give her a nice time, say goodnight and walk away into the dark!
Do you think she has any doubt how you feel? Absolutely not! If you keep bringing up R. talk, you validate that what she feels is not right, and that usually pushes them away, which you know anyway. Give her a nice time, say goodnight and walk away into the dark!
Honestly no I don't have any doubts at all. For me it's a struggle not to always be showing love. Holding back seems so against my nature, my very being. But I need to find another way to show it that isn't so pressure inducing. Stepping away, letting go is the only thing I can think of right now. In other words, lovingly detaching.
D@mn it this is SO friggin' hard!!!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
