I suggest you have a read through Nopkins threads from about 2003-2004. You can do this by going to the search screen, typing Nopkins in the display name field and putting Newer than 5 years and Older than 4 years. Don't bother reading anything that starts RE: unless you've got several months to spare.
The Nops have been posting here for a long time. The 2003/2004 period was a period of ups and downs. Nopkins started pretty much in the same place you are at and eventually after a lot of hard work won through. They are a major success story of this board - so read carefully.
The main thing to keep in mind is that none of this is easy. All of us try and get away with thinking it should be easy but it is not. There is a lot of work to do stripping away all of the accumulated grime that has silted up over the years. And when we realise it is not easy we get angry and resentful. We have a memory of how it was easy once long ago and we just want to magic our way back to that place. The thing is it is just like trying to lose weight - you didn't put on 30 pounds overnight and you sure aren't going to lose them overnight either. And the memory of being slim once makes not one jot of difference.
Every single time you said or did something to keep the peace rather than because it was what YOU wanted was like eating an extra cookie. And every time she did the same thing that was another cookie. And slowly but surely the flab piled on. Well it's workout time!
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
