Great on the we thing. It's funny how we don't think about that until we go through all the crap we have then you get all giddy just thinking they include you.
I totally understand about your grandma. You have to remember that she has been out of your dads life for so long that he has already greived her loss and already feels she has passed in a sense.
When H's Dad got to the point where his quality of life was at 0 we to prayed that he would pass so that he was in a better place.That is what he wanted and who are we to be selfish wanting him to stay here so that we still have them.
Remember it is not about us but about them . I do agree with H that your Bro needs to know.
On a great note NIK you are SO myserious!!!!! that was awesome on piano nite. You could have stayed home but you went and you had fun and you have H wondering all sorts of thoughts I bet.
Hope you have a great week.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
ST Oh I know, they are amazing players!! Very fun to watch.
haha thanks on the purse comment.. I guess maybe it was OK, I just felt like a dork (I pretty much said "I'm cheap" and "your girlfriend is crazy" - by accident, but still). I think it was fine though.
The mystery is fun! I confess I did show him the photo album of all the pictures people posted.. he didn't ask, I just said "Oh cool people are posting pics, wanna see?" Kicked myself for that later but it wasn't a huge deal, I just should've kept a little more myterious. He looked at them pretty close without saying much - then said "It looks like everyone really had a lot of fun." Didn't feel like overanalyzing his comment so I didn't .
Grandma is still hanging in there but I guess it likely won't be long. She's now allowing some people to visit but I am torn on whether I should go or not. I'm really hoping my bro will, it's been SO long and it would be really sad if he didn't get to see her again. Her mind is still fairly sharp, body's just giving out on her. At least I got to visit with her recently.
Oh.. and yes, other than worrying about grandma, had a GREAT weekend. One of my best in quite some time, I think.
Michelle Yeah, definitely a good weekend! Apparently the dueling piano show only comes to Sac every few months at most, but I'll keep ya posted when they're coming again. If you're free next time, it'd be fun to go!
Sally Yep, very fun - thanks!!
Jak On the "we" - I know.. giddy is exactly it, too - good word!
You know, I think you're completely right about my dad and grandma - he's already pretty much grieved her loss. He's going through the "rest" of it now, but you're right. He said the other day he held her hand and told her what a great mom she had been, things he appreciated, etc. He said "I didn't get to tell my Dad that til after he died, so I made sure to tell her those things before." Brought tears to my eyes but it was neat, too. Kind of a gift - he has already grieved the loss in a lot of ways, but he has the "chance" that so many wish they did, to talk to her one last time. I know exactly what you mean on the selfishness thing. I do hope that she gets to find peace with everyone, but then that it's not too drawn out, after that.
Thanks for the comments on going out. Yeah, it was so tempting to stay home and I am SO glad I didn't now. I am fairly sure he's wondering all sorts of things, based on how intently he looked at the photos.
H Thanks! Races aren't til Feb. actually.. although I guess that's sneaking up on me! I sure hope things keep going well, would love to enjoy that weekend with my H.
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So all in all I've been feeling good this week. Had a great weekend, busy at work, things are relatively calm at home and H seems to be in "normal mode" for now. It's nice to stop and take a breath!
Yep that's me posing with the Korean guy wearing the fake Afro. That guy was hilarious!!
The lady in the shiny white shirt was really neat. She's recently D'd (or separated, I'm not sure - we didn't talk about it all that long). She had never heard of meetup and wanted to go to the piano thing but couldn't find anyone to go with. So she literally came in by herself, walked right up to us and said "These look like the best seats in the house! Can I join you?" I know it takes SO much courage to do something like that. She hung out with us all night and was even up dancing with the meetup organizer (girl in the white shirt with black lace) by the end of the night. We traded phone #s (while artfully dodging Afro guy's attempt to get mine) so hopefully she'll become part of the small but growing circle of friends I'm working on developing.
Tonight I finally went back to belly dance class and OMG I have missed it!! I didn't realize how much. Between a couple of work trips out of town, being sick, getting lazy a couple times, and then the holidays it's been at least a month I think. Although I have been practicing and the instructor noticed which was cool - "You've been shimmying!!" (my shimmy used to be really uneven and now it's pretty good). That was nice to hear!
I need to keep in mind just HOW good I feel after class so I force myself to go even when I'm feeling a little lazy!
That's about it for updates on me right now. Sometimes it's nice NOT to have much of an update!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
The piano bar looked like fun. I wish we had stuff like that around here. Small town you know. Just keep the Mystery alive and H won't even recognise you any more and fall in love with the new you(not that he isn't now, he just has it buried).
What is going on with your room. Still a chicken to take the step? I do think you have to wait until the right circumstance to do it though and it doesn't sound like you have had one as of late.
Things are trudging along at home for me. The only thing that bothers me is that I notice to much H's moods. They don't have anything to do with me probobly, so it's a good thing I keep my mouth shut and let things be.
Hope you are having a good day.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Nikki, Haven't checked your thread in a while, but it sounds like you are finding a good path.
Sorry about your grandma, but it sounds like she and your family are at peace with it. That is the most important thing, after all, death is part of life. On a philosophical note - there is a great line from the Iliad. On the night before his best friend, Patrocoles, dies in battle, Achilles tells him (paraphrased):
The gods envy us. No matter how beautiful a sunset they see, no matter how sweet the wine they drink, no matter how perfect the day, they know they will always have another just like it. We, on the other hand, savor every sunset, every drop of the wine, every moment of the day, knowing that it could be the last!
This really struck me when I read it a few years ago, but since this sitch, has taken on new meaning to me. Maybe for you too?
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
jak Yeah, the piano bar was totally fun!! Sorry you don't have anythin like it close by.
Yeah, trying to keep that mystery going, for sure. I know I surprise him on a fairly regular basis these days.
On my room.. well.. SDFoundGirl made some really good points about what my motivation would be to "move" at this point in time. Things are going so much better, for the most part. It seems like he's "trying" again to make it work. My original motivation was to avoid his crummy behavior - which is no longer happening (99% of the time). So.. the ONLY real reason I'd do it is to try and manipulate him or force a decision. It wouldn't be for or about me right now.
So.. I may still do it if I feel the need to, it's still in my mind.. but I am just not "there" right now. And at this point it's not out of fear, it's out of a lack of "need" to do that.
I DO still need to paint though, it's a mess with all my test spots!!
Oh, on the room... I emailed this to ST and realized I had forgotten to post it here, but thought you guys would think this was funny. Pretty much ever since the room makeover, H has been doing little things to kind of "stake a claim" to that room. Before I decorated he treated it like a junk room - it's the closest bathroom to the garage so he'd use the bathroom, but often commented on the room being dirty and such (even while contributing to the dirtiness.. and NEVER cleaning the bathroom). So after I decorated - I suddenly noticed that the "home and garden" magazines in the magazine rack disappeared, and were replaced by his racing magazines! Then not long after, he was putting some of his car stuff in there. If I move it somewhere else, within a day, he'll put more of his stuff there. Not a lot.. but I just think it's kinda funny.
Hope you're having a good day, too. I'll check in on you shortly!
SD Thanks!! I have read yours but not checked in for awhile, need to do that.
Yes, I think everyone's pretty at peace about my grandma. Except my bro.. I finally talked to him tonight and I had no idea just HOW angry he is at her for shutting my dad out of her life for 12 years (which was pretty devastating for my dad). I told him do what's right for him but that I thought visiting her one last time would not be a bad idea - and he might regret it if he doesn't. Dunno if he will or not, but I hope so at least to see her one last time.
Thank you for that quote, I like it!!
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Quick journaling.. came down with a cold today and I don't feel so hot at the moment. Luckily got to work from home.. unluckily this project I'm on used to be pretty small and has suddenly grown to this very high profile project, complete with all the close scrutiny of every detail, "political" implications, etc. Ugh. So I ended up working 12+ hours today on the analysis/presentation trying to get buy in and funding from the top execs. Wish I got overtime!! (though taking a break to post makes up for some of it.. ). I just hope I did a good job even with my fuzzy head. Least I got to work in my jammies with the dog snuggled up next to me.
Tomorrow I get my next two Invisalign trays. I am so excited! When I started it sounded like it was going to take forever, but I'm already halfway through my teeth getting straightened. Yay!! The couple of teeth that bothered me the most moved a lot with the last set and will move the rest of the way with the next one, so I am pretty happy for that.
I am sooo sore today from my dance class - which is great, I needed that.
Hope everyone's doing well.
Gotta run.. H wants me to look some stuff up on the computer for him.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Ok THIS is funny.. what H wanted on the computer.. is for me to help him sign up on a racing discussion board (along with a "Do you know how these things work?")
I type faster than he does so he talked and I typed... just thought it was really funny that I'm typing "for" H on a discussion board!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Awesome Nik. Definitly something the two of you can do together(posting on his board).
I totally understand about the room. It's funny how he's trying to lay claim to it. Do you think he suspected that you were going to move in and is trying to keep you out?
Sorry to hear about your cold they just suck. Chicken soup!!!!
Havn't posted on my thread not much to report but then i guess that could be good. Things are just kinda coastin right now. Not really sure whats going on.
Have a good day.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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