well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

And if someone shows a true desire to fix the problem and make change, how can you turn your back on that?
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yes, that's what made me stay by his side, he truly came appart and saw the fruits of his craziness and realized what was going on. I want to look back one day, and whatever the case may be 10yrs from now I won't regret not giving my M another go.

Had a very emotional R talk, we've stayed clear away from those, something small triggered it. I ended up asking him if he was thinking of me as much as he was thinking of her while he broods on for days and nights on end (I know he's not thinking how much he misses her but of her deceptions and his hand in the whole thing). I told him that I understood he had to process those thoughts but that he couldnt' let those thoughts rule 100% of his time, that he needed to put his priorities straight, that I needed to know I mattered to him. He agreed that I should be his priority after the usual "I don't what to do, I keep hurting people" line, I know he can't stand confrontation but I had to say it. He needs to heal on his own time but I had to remind him what the C told us, you can't brood and try to fix the past because then you are missing out the present.
I told him how I was strong because I had no choice, I dont' have the luxury of checking out, what would happen to the children, the home? That as much as he thinks he wronged ow and thought she needed him I need him too. I think at some degree he takes me for granted because throught the whole ordeal I've mostly been in one piece and he knows that I could go on peacefully with my life if we were to separate, that I can take (almost)anything (unlike fruit basket ow in perennial distress).

He said his IC still is figuring out what's wrong with him (hmmm, he's depressed???). I wonder if he's not going to talk to me anymore about how much he thinks of ow's deceit and his own and how the guilt is hurting him. I don't want him to not talk to me about what bothers him, but i also don't want to be the emotional blanket of 2 years ago, which was good to assure him/calm him down and then move on without thinking how I was feeling.

He was going to some friend's to do stuff, told me he didn't deserve to go and that he'd be home, I told him to go anyways, he needs to be out with people, so out he is, he made sure he called me throught the night (our meltdown was about him not meeting me as agreed, he misread my txt msgs, didn't call me and i didn't hear from him for about 1.5h after our planned lunch which made me a nervous wreck).

And that's my drama for the day, hoping tomorrow is one day closer to us being happy and connected.