Hi ROOT, I would love for him to leave the house but he won't. His attorney advised against it as did mine. Too much $$$ at stake I guess. As my attorney told me, "it's going to get worse before it gets better". Isn't that the truth?!
Yes, your attorney is right.... I would not leave for the weekend. I would not leave on any trips, or spend any nights away from the children. Be syrupy sweet and encourage him to " enjoy his weekends" and spend time with OW. Tell him how important it is they spend time together to "help strengthen that closeness.... blah blah blah...."
Sadly, you need to consider that he may have an ulterior motive for having you "go away for the weekend," so he can position himself for more custody. So don't do it.
Then document dates he's gone and any other details. HIDE this information. If you have a family member nearby, someone you can trust implicitly, then leave the documentation there. You do not want your husband to know you are keeping track of this.
One more thing to consider, when you want to go out with friends (happy hour!), consider having a family member watch the kids rather than relying on him. Do not tell him anything you are doing. Keep looking hot. It's too bad he can't move in with OW. That would make it real.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I heard ILY again this week and H wanted the "bakery" to open again. I knew it would happen. WTH?? Honestly, it makes me really sad now. I used to think his "closeness" meant something but now I know it doesn't. It's like this hook he tries to get me with so that I can't move on.
I cried today for the first time in while. Sad that H isn't the man I thought he was. Sad that he lost all respect for me and I for him. Sad that I wasn't cherished like I thought I would be. Sad for unfulfilled dreams and promises...
Sorry you are feeling sad today. When your H eventually wakes up, the ILY will not be trusted by you. My H says ILY also, but there is the "I Love her also" part that is unsaid. Sometimes I wonder if the H saying things like these really helps or not. For those whose H does not say ILY but say it when they really mean it, we will know that the H really turns around. For those whose H who would still say things like ILY (may be they think it will make us feel better, or just to reduce their guilt), we will never know if it is for real or not. Makes the trusting part down the road so much more difficult.
Hang in there and take care, LO. You ARE LOVELY!!!
Unfortunately, from what you've described, I have a strong suspicion he will eventually regret this divorce.
A very close friend of mine is dealing with this. After 28 years of marriage her husband went into MLC, wanted another woman, and divorced her. It was really ugly with a lot of fighting on both sides. She moved away and has a new life, but lately (about six months after the divorce... and the divorce took a year) he has started calling her for really off-the-wall things. All of us who know both of them think he's finally agonizing about the whole thing. So sad.
You keep strong Olive. Make sure that hook he's throwing out is actually catching him. You are wiser, you started going through the pain sooner (OW is a cushion or a haze helping him avoid the pain, eventually he'll have to deal with it), so ultimately you will heal more quickly than him.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
She moved away and has a new life, but lately (about six months after the divorce... and the divorce took a year) he has started calling her for really off-the-wall things. All of us who know both of them think he's finally agonizing about the whole thing. So sad.
This is exactly what is happening in my sitch right now. XH has started calling me about anything he can think of. We've talked 45 minutes on the phone in the last week because he found the extra set of my car keys and I'm with you it is sad...if only these WAS would wake up before it was too late...a lot more marriages could be saved.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
From what I recall your XH had a long history with you. It doesn't surprise me that he has a desire to talk with you and connect. Yes, it is sad. I would be surprised if he had a similarly strong connection with OW... and with a baby on the way that's extremely sad for all of them.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
