Thank you for your good wishes, ntl. It's interesting that you bring up the issue of sex addiction. When this first started, it was SA that I settled on as explanation. Not only the EMA followed quickly by another attempted affair, but also I found some porn websites on the computer after H left. I talked him into attending SA 12-step meeting, and he actually did that. I remember how pleased I was when he did that, it seemed that there might be some hope for the marriage, and I was pleased that he was responding to me.
He did undertake the 12-step program in good faith, went to meetings, had a sponsor, counseled other men there, took their calls etc. H is a very tender-hearted fellow, easy to talk to, he used to volunteer on a suicide hot-line. I think he was very popular in the SA group. But also, it became apparent to him after awhile -- and to me -- that he really wasn't SA. He didn't have the triggers, he didn't have the history. His sponsor finally told him: "You were just another married man looking for something on the side." And like many long term relationships -- as I came to find out, this has been quite an education -- ours had been SSM for the last few years. I'm really thinking that had quite a bit to do with the A.
