I don't know if this will help, and it's probably going to make me sound like a major b*tch, but I'm going to put it out there anyway.
I used to get really annoyed with my h when he jumped in to do something that I was already doing. But I had to ask him repeatedly to do other tasks. I wanted him to just do certain things around the house without me having to ask or remind him. Why didn't he notice that the trash was full and needed to be taken out? The lawn was up to his kneecaps and needed to be cut? There were piles of laundry that needed to be folded and put away? In a house full of kids, with 2 full-time working parents, there is always a ton of stuff to do, why did he need to jump in and do what I was already doing? It annoyed me like crazy. Now, I don't expect him to do anything, so I'm pleasantly surprised when he does the least little thing (and I HEAP on the praise)...
Could it be that your w doesn't want you to do things that she's in the middle of doing herself (maybe she was going to get more water, not just put the glass in the dishwasher)? There are probably regular routine household chores that you could start doing and she will start noticing, especially if she doesn't have to ask you to do them.
I hope this made sense. I'm very tired and I have to do the dishes!
