I don't normally post here, but I figured this would be the place for this question...
I've found myself going from waaay HD to LD over the course of the last year. (i think, it's a working theory... ) anyways.
I was thinking i might want to get some books designed for LD women on how to become more interested in sex. We are having sex, it's just that it's more of a duty sex kinda thing on my part than really wanting to have sex w/ H.
I really appreciate any recommendations and advice. Thanks!!
ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Ann, I'd say skip the books for now. Okay... you can read the books... but try to do some things to move you out of your head and into your body. Out of your thinking and into your feeling. Become reacquainted with your body... Get a massage, facial, manicure, pedicure regularly. Cherish your body. It is the vessel that carries your soul through this life. Buy some nightgowns made of beautiful soft fabrics, and wear them for YOURSELF. Nap nude under the softest throw you can find. Walk around the house naked when no one is home. Take belly dancing lessions. See where I'm going with this? Every morning when you wake up, take a minute to check in with your body: where are you achy, sore, feeling good, feeling needy. DON'T think of your body only as a source of problem/pleasure between you and your H. It's your home, your temple, your sanctuary.
I've read a gazillion books, as have most of us on this site... and books are great. But what you're looking for, i.e., a sense of connectedness with your body, your womanly sensuality... I don't think that can be found in a book, unless it's a book of practical exercises.
You might try "The Woman's Comfort Book" a book about self-nurturing.
It's natural to like to feel pleasure... I'd rather see you try to reconnect with that part of yourself than to stay in your head.
You might also explore the site http://www.thework.com . It will make you mad at first, but there's a lot of good stuff there.
Remember: your thoughts aren't necessarily a valid source of info about what's going on. Your mind's job is to identify problems and then try to solve them. It wears itself out doing that.
Thanks so much. I don't know that I'm even LD, it was just brought up to me as an idea because it sounded like i might be. I don't know. I was thinking about reading into it and trying to figure myself out.
That all sounds like a good idea. I'll try that. I'm pretty good about the pretty nightgowns and being naked. I really cofortable with my body. It's not perfect, but I like it just fine. Being almost 5 months pregnant leaves me with lots of those achy feelings in the morning, but I never really look at how I feel, it just is what it is. I need to pay more attention to me.
I don't know what my problem is. All I know is that a couple years ago, i was practically begging for sex and now I would rather avoid it all together. I'm not attracted to H and I guess I'm disconnecting the emotional aspect of ML from sex. I can go through the act of intercourse. I can handle that without anything else, but when it comes to the stuff that more emotionally connects me to H (kissing and foreplay stuff etc.) I just feel wierd about it. I do a mental cringe when he starts trying to kiss and grab at me. I don't know what my problem is.
I don't have a problem with the feeling pleasure. I enjoy that. I MB and enjoy it. Just can't seem to handle getting into it with my H.
I'll check out that link and book.
Thanks again lil.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Well. Personally. I'd do something different. I'll let Miss IC explain.
And anyway, did you mean something different from what she was doing, from what new thing she was planning to do, or different from what I told her. IMHO this sort of post doesn't add any content to the conversation, kwim?
I see from the bottom of the post that you just came out of an EA in September. On top of that your H wanted a D less than a year ago. On top of that you are pregnant with your third child. I don't know about you but having my third child flipped a switch in my head - I had always felt that if something happened (divorce, death of my spouse, disability) that I could make it with just me and my one or two kids. I even thought that as a single Mom I wouldn't be completely repulsive with 2 kids on my hip. When it went to three (now 4, LOL) I felt very vulnerable, I felt very alone (like, if something happened I would never find anyone to love me and my four kids). Are you having any of these kinds of feelings of vulnerability?? When I feel vulnerable I have a hard time finding my desire, wanting to do more intimate behaviors - I can still have sex. I can still give a hj or a bj but I don't find it so easy to get close.
