My H is moving into his apartment next week. I think we are telling the kids Tues, letting them visit the apartment Wed, then they can spend a day there w/H over the weekend. The problem is, I am not sure yet WHAT we are telling them. S is 5, D is 20 months so she's not really the issue.
Per our MC, we are going to make matching calendars for S to put in both his bedrooms. Each will have the days he sees his Dad labeled with a D in marker. H wants to spend one night a week at our house with the kids and me, and one night w/kids at his house (they will come back to sleep at our house bc he works too early to get them to daycare). Also alternate weekends where they stay with each of us. Nothing legal, just us working out a schedule. So I am thinking a D with a little house figure when S goes to H's apartment, a D without a house when H comes to our house. And H and I talked in the car last night (kids at sitters) and decided we want to go to church together as a family on Sundays.And to family events (weddings/funerals,etc). It is just a weird situation. H went from having an A, saying he wants a D, to saying he ended the affair and wants to work on our marriage and "try to fix it". He hasn't committed to official R, backs off from that kind of finality/concrete-ness, but says he wants to try. Which is why we will be spending some of the time together. He also wants to continue MC to try to "fix it", and will be going to individual C, as am I, to work on the problems that he know he has internally--I am going to "fix me", too! Hopefully if he can face his demons or whatever and I can work on the places where I know I have not been true to myself, we can come together again. But that is not what you tell a 5 year old. MC said it is okay to say we don't know if we will get back together again. I guess at least we aren't having to tell him we are getting a D, not yet, anyway, and I hope not ever. The original plan was to say that H has been doing things that make Mommy unhappy, and that he needs some time away, kind of like a Time Out. This idea came from MC. Then to say that we don't know if/when Daddy will come back, but that Mommy loves S, and Daddy loves S, none of this is his fault, we will always be a family, etc..... Do you guys think that is what we should say? Our S is smart, he asked me the other day why I cry so much and why daddy is so mad a lot. I told him last night, Mommy loves you so much, and Daddy does, too. I am sorry you are worried about Mommy crying so much. Daddy has just been upset a lot lately and Mommy is sad about it. But I love you and Daddy does too. His immediate question was, "But do you love each other?" OUCH--knife in heart! I said of course, Mommy and Daddy will always love each other. Which may have been wrong to say, but is true. Even at our worst fight, my husband has said even if he left me forever he would always love me, and I know the same is true for me. But is it wrong to say we love each other when H is moving out in a matter of days? Please give me advice!!
