I really feel for you. You have been betrayed, and I am sure you have experienced a lot of confusion since. Look carefully at your comments "Everything I've ever know to be true has been a lie. We have always had a great marriage, or so I thought" That is too pervasive and permanent. What your husband did was wrong - no question, but put it all in perspective. Our society puts so much emphasis on fidelity, which I believe is rooted in chauvinistic attitudes regarding control over women (I am a male). The perspective to keep is that you have a husband that loves you, you love him, he values the family and the marriage. Someone who does something wrong is not a bad person. Good people make mistakes and sometimes more than once. My wife wants to leave me and break up our marriage over an affair that I didn't have. My mistake was kissing another woman one night while both of us were highly intoxicated. After she informed her firends, one of them told her of some rumors she had heard. The rest of them told her to leave me. We have been seperated a year now. It is miserable, and both our ten year old daughter and I are being punished. You will get angry, but resist the urge to punish and try to find it in your heart to forgive. Ask him how you will be able to trust him again. Ask him how he plans to re-earn your trust. Whatever you do, don't give up. We live in an age of disposable marriages where very little in our society promotes keeping marriages together. We all suffer because of it. Children pay the real price. This is an opportunity to fix and make your marriage strong and better. Read Michelle's books. Also read a book by Martin Seligman called Learned Optimism. It is not about marriage, but about life in gen. and how we look at things can determine the outcome. Knowing what little about your sit. from your posting, you will be a better person for making it work and so will your marriage. The easiest thing to do is to quit. One day you will look back and be proud and happy that you stuck it out.
