So tonight is basically our last night in the house together before we separate. H goes on an out-of-town cattle trip (totally legit, I know for SURE), Wed-Sun, and he gets possession of his Apt. on Monday. So he will probably be here Sunday night, too. But you never know with him. He has bowling first (the OW from his PA/EA that he says ended 2 wks ago is on the team). I am planning to contact him not at all while he is bowling. Last wk he texted me 3 times though when I didn't try to reach him. Anyway, once he gets home I intend on being upbeat, pleasant, etc. I am upbeat bc I finally started working again today (sub teaching) after 2 years at home. Had an awesome day. See my posts on "For Newcomers" re. Confused Husband for a recap if you want. Anyway he was upbeat today,he actually said "ILY" when he left for work this morning, the first time in several weeks he said it spontaneously. I had texted him re. how much I am loving my job after only half a day (texted him at lunch), he replied back how excited he is for me, and asked me to stop by his work after school got out. So I saw him and was upbeat, he asked about the day I had (even though we had already texted about it), he seemed genuinely glad to see me so thrilled. Told him I already had 4 more sub days lined up. Anyway H said he'd be home early tonight as he has to pack everything for trip and get up at 4 am for 6 am flight. So I know logically he will have time for nothing tonight but packing and going to bed. But emotionally, I am hoping for SOMETHING from him, some gesture, with it being our last night. I know on one hand that is silly bc after all, he is MOVING OUT by CHOICE, not shipping off to war or something. But with a hug and kiss (first in 3 weeks) on Sunday night, and an ILY this morning, and him saying he is moving out so he can have the time and space to fix himself (he admitted he has needed to work on himself for the last 12 years but hasn't wanted to do it, now he does)not just to get away from me, I still feel like I want SOMETHING to happen. I don't know what, another ILY, something physical, some sort of regret about moving out, I don't know. But I know from past experience this week that the closer he gets to Move-out day, the more emotional I have been getting, and backsliding in some DB moves. So I will bite my tongue as needed tonight and be happy camper. But man, it just kills me to think he is really, truly leaving. That we have to tell our kids next Monday (S5 anyway, D20 months won't really know much is happening) Daddy is moving out. So wish me luck in not doing anything stupid tonight. Thanks in advance!
