If you are not already under the ginormous pressure of a ToDo list (in your case I would certainly not say HoneyDo), maybe one would help.
If there is an agreed written list of what is bugging her the most, and you add to that ... how many hours it will take, or when it is on your schedule, she will not need to hammer you with it so much. That is, as long as you stay on schedule.
The smaller tasks that are just hour or so each, you can continue to check as Done right away. She may reserve the right to inspect the work and erase them from the list as complete. Yes, it sounds like you are the subservient house staff. But hey, if that is the way she sees you and this eliminates unwanted negative dialog between you two, who knows?
As for taking her glasses to the sink, helping her across a mud puddle, or offering her CPR when she turns blue ... don't. Don't.
It doesn't matter why they get that way, what they are thinking, or whether it is somehow your fault. Potato! All that matters is they do get that way. Mine did. Even to the point of screaming at me and storming out the door one day cuz I picked up a pencil she dropped. I was already at the floor with my hand out when she yelled "just leave it, I'll get it". I finished picking it up anyway thinking "WTF ... I'm already down here".
Well, apparently there is something WTF with them. So, don't! You are trying to be courteous to someone who resents it, from you. So if she does start to turn blue, hand her the phone and see if she still has the strength to dial 911. Because if she does, she will want to do it herself.
