Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Hi running,

A) Husband moves back. Does that mean he definitely, for certain, is not having an affair.

H moved out b/c of A - I don't believe he would move back if A was ongoing. Also OW would never agree to that.

B) "Prove" the affair is over. Will you believe it? Won't you still wonder sometimes or be suspicious?

You're right, proof may not do for me what I would hope it would.

How long is that proof good for? How do you know another affair won't start up?

This was H's first and only A, and I don't believe he would have another. My fear arises from him not being able to end his A w/ this OW, not that he will have another. I can't explain why, I just know what I know in my heart.

C) Stop caring. That may not entirely be possible.

I suppose I should have said, "Stop caring enough to continue to want to save my M." I believe that it is possible to stop caring by turning off those feelings. That is something that comes from being hurt so much and so often that one builds up a wall around themselves. I don't think it is healthy, but I believe it may be necessary in some sitches in order to survive and move on.

A more realistic approach might be to work towards being stronger, accept what is and do the best with that. Works towards being the kind of person no one would want to risk losing... and if they are stupid enough to do that then accept their stupidity and weakness and stay because there is reason enough to do so, or leave because there is even more good reason to do so.

Very true, and in the end, probably the whole idea behind DB and DR.

D) Decide you don't want to deal with it anymore and divorce.

This is, of course, the last option, but the one to choose for the sake of sanity if there is no other choice. I don't see myself as the kind of person who could continue to work through multiple A's, or an A that last for years and years. I am strong, but I am not that strong. After a point, I know I will simply walk away and start a new life w/o my H. The roller coaster ride can't go on forever, and I suppose it is up to me when I get off.