Amy, why do you say in a previous post she is a 'liability'?
As always I understand the 'stop focusing on her'. It's hard because she promised she'd never leave again, that she'd 'learned' that running away from problems doesn't work.
Now, her biggest 'sadness' is that she couldn't keep her commitment, and she couldn't make her marriage work.
I don't get what that means. I want it to mean she is 'confused' and she'll 'wake up' and choose to make it work. But her actions show more and more detachment. Which means she is really done, and going out the door.
Well, I decided to call our counselor, the one who helped me 'save her' 2 years ago. I've been afraid to see her I guess because I feel like she'll think I am a failure. But she's also the one person who gets inside my head.
So, I'll be open and honest and maybe she can help me let go this time, instead of helping me fix it.
Frank - it's still ALL ABOUT HER. You say you get what we are all screaming at you but you just don't.
FCUK HER. Save you.
Just read and understand because at the moment you seem to read and ignore. Are you so much better than all of us that you know what is best. You W is toxic yet you still get pulled back - you appear to be on a suicide mission.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Frank, your wife is a liability because she contributes nothing to your household, brings nothing positive into your family, contributes nothing to your life personally and little (that I read) to your daughters. Instead, she takes and she costs.
As for the counselor, I don't think I'd go to the same one if I were you...
Ummm...Agreed Saffie. Though, ummm, chicks are sure tougher on other chicks.
Frank you are focusing all your intellect, energy, attention (No I am not a new age crystal hugger) ALL of it on the negatives. You're a brainiac and all your research and reading that's all your doing. Do something active beyond plotting, planning and talking.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Frank, your wife is a liability because she contributes nothing to your household, brings nothing positive into your family, contributes nothing to your life personally and little (that I read) to your daughters. Instead, she takes and she costs.
I think you are way off on this one. She takes care of the kids, the house and everything else. She brings in some money, she's just not a great businesswoman, but she isn't a negative cash flow.
She has tried her best to be positive. She's just burned out and wants something different. But she's given up on us 'working'.
I just wanted to post you a couple of thoughts that might help you get through those tough moments...
Remember; FEAR IS THE MOST WASTEFUL EMOTION If I could guarantee you that W would be back and fully engaged in the R in a couple of weeks, I wager you would be fine right now. Fact is, you DO NOT know what will happen later today, let alone next week, or next month....so why waste energy fearing what you think will happen? You are putting yourself through needless pain over events that have yet to occur.
Yes, they MAY occur, but I guarantee you that you will be stronger and more capable of dealing with them if and when they do than you are right now.
Stop and think....if W had not said she was leaving/done, and she was at the grocery store or getting her hair done right now, then what would be different in your immediate environment, compared to right now? I am referring to your immediate environment....the hunger in your belly, physical ailments/pain, what's happening in your office/room, health and well being of your kids, what's on the TV, what work you have to accomplish, etc. I wager, nothing would be different, RIGHT NOW! So get through right now and stop worrying about later - for YOU DO NOT KNOW what is going to happen.
Getting through this is a battle with your own mind. Stop letting fear control you. Fact is that all the pain and anxiety you are feeling right now, is self-inflicted - it's created in your mind - there is no one putting electrical charges in your head to make you think/feel teh way you are. This is a personal battle of controlling your own mind and not letting yourself obsess over things that have not happened.
You are one of the strongest individuals I have met and I have no doubt you will get through this as a winner!
