Sun - I am so glad that you aren't angry with me. But I am pleased that you are angry. That is a good sign as far as I am concerned. you SHOULD be angry.
And please, complain, complain, complain, that is what we are here for. To hear complaints, both legitimate, and less so.
I know that I am extremely fortunate to be able to support myself, and put my son through school. Believe me, I thank God for that.
If you remember that you only have another three months that should help a bit. In the meantime, take care of yourself.
Believe me, I remember how long I have until I can support myself all the time.
As far as complaining, I have to be honest. Every time I complain someone tells me how negative I am. I'm a bit tired of it. Like I said, walk a mile in my shoes first. I may have made myself vulnerable by staying home all those years, but I never deserved what happened to me. But, does anyone deserve to be hurt?
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
Well, no sh**, sherlock. Of course you're frustrated, who wouldn't be. I'm with Angelica, I'm glad you are mad 'cause it can be motivating.
Okay, so about Savannah. Maybe it is time to stop talking and start planning. I could go to Savannah on the 26th (yes, 11 days from now)for a DB overnight. Anybody else interested. Sparkles, you want to meet me here on Friday night and we could drive on Saturday?
If this isn't a good time, or too soon, anybody else want to suggest another date?
my apologies Sun. I wish you could have heard my tone of voice when I wrote my note to you...........there was no condemnation or finger-pointing or judgement going on. I'm sorry that you were hurt by what I said.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Compared to what H has been saying to me, to be honest, ya'll are rookies at it. I know I'm adult and should find my way out. Move out, get on, get over it. It's my own fault. And from the things H has told me in about me in the last two days I must be a bigger idiot than I ever imagined. It's just, you see, I'm getting it from all sides, and who needs that. Not me.
I have found out that 27 years ago when he married me it was running through his head "run, run, run." He says he married me out of a sense of duty???? It has finally all caught up with him.
I'm tired of it all. I'm going to take a break. I'll look in again sometime when I have a better shield up and don't feel so berated from every direction.
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
Compared to what H has been saying to me, to be honest, ya'll are rookies at it.
WOW. I know I am a rookie at it, I know that many are a rookie at it, But Brue. Nope, not so much.
She has been thru stuff, that makes what i have been thru a walk in the park.
So when she says these things to you, it's b/c she has been thru it. She hasn't pulled it out of a hat.
I am sorry you are so frusterated. I know how much that sucks.
I know how it can just get so down.
I hope you start feeling alot better. But just know that when the peeps post to you, with concern and honesty it is b/c they have been there, and they don't want to see you suffer anymore.
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Walk a mile in my shoes and then tell me please how to NOT be negative. How to focus on the positive. If you know how, I'm all ears.
Brue has, and that is why she posted, but you didn't want to hear it.
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As far as complaining, I have to be honest. Every time I complain someone tells me how negative I am. I'm a bit tired of it. Like I said, walk a mile in my shoes first. I may have made myself vulnerable by staying home all those years, but I never deserved what happened to me. But, does anyone deserve to be hurt?
And i don't see NOT ONE person saying you deserved any of this.
Not one.
If you want to complain, go ahead Sun, but I thought the R's here with friends, were open, and were not the ones , where you have to walk on eggshell, b/c sheeeeeeeesh we had enuff of that with our spouses.
I see the peeps that posted to you all of them, trying to help, sorry you didn't take it that way.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
My name is Judi. I live in Georgia. I am a true southern lady. I believe in having good manners, and speaking to people on the street. When I was in New York I met two men on the subway train who were absolutely adorable and they told me I was very approachable and had such an open face and friendly manner. I will never forget them and that is the impression I will always have of NY. But, I tell that to say that is what people who actually meet me think of me. The women I work with truly love me. My children love me. I am a good friend and mother and daughter. I wish I'd been a better wife.
I am a Christian. It doesn't matter what denomination because I truly believe in heaven we'll all be God's children, not segregated by our denominations. But, I am a Christian through and through, to the marrow of my bone.
I've had a hard time at times visiting this bb because my beliefs in what my M meant made me feel very guilty for coming here and complaining and running down my H. Telling many of the things he has done. I should never have done that. I did complain, a lot. This is where I came when I was angry and had no one in the "real" world to complain to. Out here, the people who know me are hurt by seeing me hurt and so the bb was a "safe" place to dump all the toxic waste running through me.
God promised me a long time ago that He was in control of my situation. He showed me scripture that gave me the peace and faith to survive each day. The days I didn't trust Him enough I turned to the bb. I don't post anywhere else. I don't have a little black book of bb's to go to looking for answers or support. It's all here. For the world to see, unfortunately.
I don't take to 2x4's well. I'll be the first to admit that. I don't hit others with them because as a southern belle, it's just not nice. It's my hang up, I realize. But, really who likes to hear people tell them in the midst of the storm that they are to blame because they could have left, or not said this, or done that differently. Not me.
I quit taking my "happy pills" a while back and I'm sure that is where some of the sensitivity has come from, but, truth be told, I've always been sensitive.
There are a lot of things I've never posted because I know some are turned off by anything "religious" and of course "little 'ole me" didn't want to offend.
I believe in marriage. I believe God hates divorce. I don't believe my H leaving me frees me of my commitment to my H and my God. I made a promise. I don't break promises, especially to God. Period. There's so much I could say about what I believe, but really, who cares what Judi thinks. Just me, God and thankfully now, my H.
I think our M may have turned a corner. I'm afraid to trust my H and that will always be a struggle, but I trust my God completely and He will never lie to me. My M will be restored. Somehow I know it. I think it's in the process.
This past week has been a time of real, honest sharing with my H. He was ready to hear and I was ready to share where I've been during these past two years and what I believe.
Last night he sat down beside me, while I was lying in our bed, and he said "I'm sorry." I told him I was too. He asked me to keep praying. I will.
I pray for many of you here. I have a list in my bible. I wish you all the best. I've grown up, finally. I found Judi. Sunflower was a terrified creature who was looking all over the place for the magic bullet to fix her situation.
I want Brue to know that I was never mad. I am so far beyond getting mad at anyone for such small things after what I've been through. I know you meant well, Brue.
AH, Hope, Sue Snodderly and Vali--I love you guys. I will never forget you, ever. I pray God gives you His best. It would be so much better than anything we could ever imagine for ourselves.
I'm going to see if the moderator will remove my posts because I'm ashamed that I exposed my H in such a way. I may lurk sometimes to see how you all are.
If I could say one thing: Don't ever believe God isn't able. I have a favorite star that I always look for if I'm out in the evening. If He can hang that star in the sky, He certainly can restore a M when one person is truly committed to trusting Him to do it in His way, in His time.
Sun signing off and Judi walking into her future. xxx
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
