As soon as I finish my last course I'm taking now I will be able to get a job that will afford me the ability to support myself. I cannot support myself and continue to help my D18 with her college expenses if I don't stay where I am until then. I have to do it for my kids. He will not give them anything if I leave. I'm sure of that. And he won't give me a dime and I don't make enough right now to even live in a motel room. So, there I am.
I'm not looking for pity. It was my choice to marry before I finished college. It was my choice to stay home for 20 plus years and raise kids and help H in his side jobs rather than getting one for myself. You know what they say about 20/20 hindsight.
So, there it is.
I will stop complaining though. It's pointless. I put myself in this situation and I'll get myself out. I've been in school for 15 months and in another 3 I should be able to stand on my own two feet.
I'm ok. I know I came across as angry. The only one I'm angry with his H. I'm beyond getting angry with anyone else. I don't have the energy and no one can compete with what he's done.
You're very special and I don't want you to think I'm mad. I'm just frustrated.
Hugs, Sun
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
