Don't Push!!! A Newbies MUST Read.

[newnamenewlife]

I'm posting this here too because I am completely confused about what to do. H & I are supposed to go to our MC together tomorrow. I am not sure we should go since he seems in the same place as when we began (actually, deeper in the tunnel now).

Our MC has been seeing us individually for weeks because the joint sessions were going nowhere. H would say something is missing in him and it's not my fault, but nothing will help, and I would go on about all the great things in our M and why doesn't he see that and why won't he do John Gottman's program, blah, blah. We talked about his feelings and things he's kept inside, problems we've had--which I acknowledge are real--but when I offered to work on those patterns, etc, or apologize, he came back to the emptiness in him and how I can't do anything about
that.

We never talk about our R at home and so the only reason I would go is because I feel like I try to read his mind. I want to know what he's thinking--but then again I don't because I know whatever he has to say will hurt. Still, something feels like it has to shift right now, and be openly acknowledged by both of us, as we are totally stuck. I am trying the DB approach the best that I can--but it is incredibly hard not to check in once in a while and find out what he is thinking. It seems safer to do this with the MC than alone.

We like our MC, but I wonder what would happen if she had a more solution-oriented approach? Would H have participated in exercises and stuff? Now I'm worried that our MC is one of those who is doing more harm than good. IF we'd found a better MC, would we be doing better right now?

Bottom line: Do we go together tomorrow or not?????