[quote=Kimmie Lee]OK, I really need some help. My C, whom I have seen since my first M and D(20 yrs ago), is telling me to just get a D again. I am so upset and my gut is telling me to discontinue my sessions.
KL, Have you read Michele's article on finding the correct MC ??? Very good info there. If you have the DR book she writes alot about MC there as well. As I understand Michele, you must have a MC who is pro-marriage, not helpful with a C who's goal is to improve the marriage vs. save the marriage.!!
BTW, a C I was talking with recommended the following book. You might want to pick a copy up at book store or borrow from public library. Title: "How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together" Author :Susan Page the C who recommended it to me, also was well aware of Michele's books and work. He was very impressed with Michele's books. Now the book listed above is quite good, except it is not a book you can just read. Author has exercises you should do and will need pad and pen to track info., etc. Take the time to do paper work and I truly believe you'll get quite a bit out of the book. I know I did. Hope this helps KL. Oh one other little note I'd like to add, from everything i have learned about C and ref. to mental health, etc. Someone's C does not tell their client what they should do, they help them see their options and the consequess (sp) of their choices. good luck and never give up. Many have worked through S**t deeper than ours and there is always hope, tomorrow and GAL. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
My C just wants me to file for D immediately and sees no way out for me.
KL, wait aminute, your H moved out less 90 days ago and your C wants you to D???? NO way, must have misunderstood C. Or C is a waste of money !! Read where someone else suggested you DBing with SD, that is an excellent idea as SD and you are not in a very good stitch between you. Plan 2, goals to DB with SD. keep us posted grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
The reason I think H is having a MLC is because he told our C that he "wanted a new adventure in his life", is "enjoying his new-found independence" "our marriage is stale" and such. If I am wrong, I'm sorry. I guess I am misunderstanding what MLC's say when they leave.
I have absolutely no contact with D17, so how would I DB? This kid hates me and is happy that H has left me and that it is just the two of them. She has blamed me for everything even though I did a lot of nice things for her. This is an impossible situation for me because she is a manipulative liar and has her dad wrapped around her finger now. He's more of a friend to her than a father right now because he is scared that she'll run away again. She turns 18 in two months anyway.
And yes, you read it right, my C told me to file for D because my sitch is a no-win for me, how would I ever trust again if H came back, etc....
Kimmie Lee if you don't mind me saying so, I think you are making a mistake to label your husband MLC.
Clearly SD17 was a thorn in your side. CLEARLY to everyone she was a thorn in your side. I think it's her you ought to be DBing first, and your husband secondly.
I have read all your posts and I don't see any remorse except for the fact that you don't have what you want. Perhaps I am mistaken but you might ought to put less emphasis on your stepdaughter being the cause of your marital situation and instead, start looking closer in the mirror.
As for your counselor, my opinion of him is that he sucks. There is no need to pull the plug on your marriage right now. I actually felt a lot of hope for your relationship with your husband as I read of your interactions with him. I do however think the source of your problems is a little closer to home than you are willing to consider right now.
Good luck to you.
Hope I didn't chap your ass too much.
AmyC
I am confused. First you say I should be DBing my step-D first, then you say to put less emphasis on step-D. wtf???
I said put less emphasis on SD17 being the CAUSE of the marital problems. That's "WTF".
As far as DBing SD17, if she's 2 months shy of turning 18 and will be leaving to go out on her own, then I suppose you won't have to have any contact with her... Of course, if you want to be in his life again, it's going to be up to you to at least be the one that extends the olive brance since you are, after all, the adult and she's just ACTING like she's grown.
I also have a stepdaughter from hell. Same age, too. Fortunately, her grandparents raised her and not us. Or maybe not so fortunately for her since I'd have knocked her head off before she turned 12 but I'd have also structured her life instead of letting her run it and everyone elses. I sympathize with you as far as what manipulative brats (not my first word of choice, either) these girls can be however, that doesn't change the fact that it's on you to suck it up instead of coming off like a brat yourself.
There are resources at the top of the MLC forum where you can get a lot more info as to what MLC is all about. Just because someone wants adventure and is enjoying independence does not mean they're in MLC. It could just mean their marriage sucked. If that's the case, what part might you have played in that? Make no mistake, it took the two of you as well as SD17's "help" to get in this condition but someone has to have the balls to face the facts and so far it doesn't sound like he's got the tools for the job.
I'm betting you do and before you go getting your panties in a knot, that is actually a compliment.
Thank you, I appreciate the understanding and encouragement. And I am not returning to that C.
I am going pitch black now, as far as communicating with my H. We met this morning to discuss finances and he was most unsympathetic to my sitch. I am in school to retrain in a different field and I did not need the added stress of his abandoning me before I was back on my feet.
H will probably try to contact me to file tax return, but I plan to ignore him till April. H has his bright, shiny new life, and I will have to find mine.
I'm glad to hear you're not going back to your counselor. It's great that they helped you with your past issues, and that may be their strong point. But, clearly marriage is not their counseling forte.
I'm also in the process of finding a new counselor. My insurance only pays for 20 sessions/yr, and I hate to waste that 20 finding the right one. I need a strong counselor (Dr. Phil type) who can give it to me straight. My last C was so mamby-pamby about everything. Very sweet, but very short on the strong advice.
Best of luck in your search. Keep us updated.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
