Now, as you guys may recall, a while back BF gave away one of the secrets of the male temple by telling me and Corri that if a single guy agreed to a monogamy-without-commitment relationship then he was p*ssy-whipped. Upon reflection, I gained some empathy for how this might be the case and therefore decided that it would be a waste of my womanly energies to tend fence with any man to whom I was not married. I decided that I would continue to be a serial monogamous since that was my natural bent but assume that men were polygamous.
Anyways, I was talking to FSG last night and he said something about how it might be difficult to maintain such a long-distance relationship. I thought this was a sensible comment and said so and I mentioned how I thought it would be natural if he wanted to find a bar "where everybody knew his name" and expand his local social circle and perhaps find a more readily at-hand female. He responded by saying "Listen. I don't care if you don't want to claim me because I claim you." He kind of growled when he said it. Sort of hippo morphing to wolf- maybe rhino.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
An answer to the topic we were discussing from the mouth of strong puppy -lol
Quote:
I can't speak for other men, I can only speak for myself.
The attraction to the woman I'm with now at first was physical. I liked her body type, curvy with a nice round booty. I figured I'd just hit it a few times and be done with her. From the very first night we had sex, we were very much sexually compatible. Both liked the same positions, we both had stamina and liked long sex sessions. The first time we had sex, she stayed the whole night and we ended up having sex four different times that night.
So at first it was a physical attraction but once I got to know her what did it for me was her feminity. Her attitude, the way she walks, the way she does certain things. She is a female who knows who she is if that makes any sense. We are both college educated but she is smarter than I am, she is more of a deep thinker.
Its her feminity that just drives me wild sometimes, have my stomach tied in knots. I really don't know why that is. Its just a natural reaction for me. We could be having sex and she would say or do something that would get my heart ponding so fast, its like I'm having a heart attack.
Now, I'm an athlete and love the physical contact sports like football and basketball. I'm the kind of person who goes to the gym every morning at 6am and lift weights, run or swim BEFORE starting my work day. Even though I have an engineering degree, working in an office is not me, I like being in the field. I'm more of a rugid, aggressive type male.
So I guess coming home to something nice and soft is what I need. She must complete that feminine side of me that I'm lacking elsewhere in my life, I don't know. She understands me a lot of times and have no problem with me being a man. Sometimes when we're having sex, I like to man-handle her, flip her over a couple of times and just have my way with her, just take it from her kind of. Like you've been locked up for a while and she is the first woman you've had in a long time. She has no problem with me when I'm like that, she loves it even.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
This is just the kind of pessimism I need to ballast my irrational exuberance
Okay. I'm in.
The vibe I'm getting is that he is not who he says he is. I'm thinking that instead of paying your airfare by using his AmEx Platinum card, he paid for it from the proceeds of his black market sales of human cadavers. I'm thinking that you better pack some sort of effective defensive weapon (not in your carry-on), or maybe just a bit of common sense and not even go on this trip.
Have you shared the information (flight, name of guy, etc.) with a few people back home? Do you have safeguards in place (e.g. "If my friend doesn't get a call from me by 2pm, she's calling the local cops, highway patrol, etc. and by the way I swallowed a small GPS tracking device" and do you have certain "panic" words set up with your friend back home, to alert them you're under duress, e.g. "hi Judy...just wanted to let you know that I got to Florida okay and it's wonderfully toasty here.")?
Has he mentioned anything about fava beans? Chianti?
The vibe I'm getting is that he is not who he says he is.
Lol. I have pictures of him, his residence, his dogs and the last 4 digits of the card he used to charge my flight on my hard-drive. If he doesn't really do what he does for a living then he really wasted a good portion of my attention span regaling me with information about data-mining software. However, I do plan on checking in with my sister just 'cause safety-first.
Question for you and other readers of NMMNG. I like everything about one of the guys with whom I am corresponding except that he vibes pretty much zero wolf. His X left him to become a lesbian. In the last e-mail he sent me he mentioned that he was horny and lonely in the second sentence. Do you think I should tell him to read that book?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
(Mojo) Now, as you guys may recall, a while back BF gave away one of the secrets of the male temple by telling me and Corri that if a single guy agreed to a monogamy-without-commitment relationship then he was p*ssy-whipped.
That may be a secret of BF's male temple because I can see where MWoC wouldn't hold much value for him. For me, though, it's pretty much ideal. I have my boys either two of every three weekends or three weekends a month. On top of that they have the occasional band concert or science fair, etc, that usually crops up with little warning. I have my own interests that occupy me a couple of nights a week and every once in a while I gotta hang out with the guys. So if I meet an interesting chyk who's good in bed, willing to be monogamous, and doesn't need an assumed date whenever I don't have the kids or lots of phone calls and general relationship hand holding...there's little to no downside for me.
If I was BF or Stig I could wander over to the local Starbucks whenever I had a free evening and find a fun girl to make me breakfast the next morning so to that extent there's an element of PW'd in MWC. Even then you give up a big chunk of time to qualifying and you can still end up with Crazy Insane Girl, so MWoC has its benefits.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Mojo "I know you are less optimistic about this relationship than me because you never call me." So to me that seemed like he was feeling insecure and one-down and asking for reassurance.
I don’t see where this is whining. I see it as a fair statement, related to him wondering if you didn’t have that much interest in him. My thought was he was wondering if he was forcing himself on you or overdoing the phone calls.
I still don’t understand women playing hard-to-get and some of the dating games.
Based on a friend’s experiences with internet dating, I am beginning to think there are more games than seriousness going on. The guy I know would make a wonderful H but the women that e-mail him back seem to be more interested in their “Shopping list” than the person’s/friends long term potential R material.
Does anyone have an opinion about what works and doesn’t work for a 36 Yr old male, with a good job and a stable life, trying out internet dating because he lives in a remote town and doesn’t hang out at bars.
If the guy is wondering if he is calling too much, then he is probably calling too much.
Or, he could try the direct approach with Mojo and say... "I'm getting uncomfortable calling so much. It feels one-ended to me." I mean... if he's calling every day, Mo doesn't have to. It might not even occur to her to call... because he does. There is no patience on this guy's part, when he calls every day... and he is a Captain of Industry. That doesn't match up to me.
But what I see as manipulative is a comment that appears to be out right fishing... like the one he made to Mojo. I see it as P/A behavior. He is trying to make a problem hers when he's the one who is feeling insecure.
So, tell your friend NOT to do that.
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Does anyone have an opinion about what works and doesn’t work for a 36 Yr old male, with a good job and a stable life, trying out internet dating because he lives in a remote town and doesn’t hang out at bars.
Does he have a Community Center in his town, or close by? If he is going to do online dating, he kind of has to play by the rules... if it is a 'woman's atmosphere,' and he doesn't like it, he should move on... or learn to like beer.
(Mojo) I like everything about one of the guys with whom I am corresponding except that he vibes pretty much zero wolf. His X left him to become a lesbian.(Why do they always have to *leave* to become a lesbian? Why can't they ever *stay* and become a lesbian?) In the last e-mail he sent me he mentioned that he was horny and lonely in the second sentence. Do you think I should tell him to read that book?
(Lou) Does anyone have an opinion about what works and doesn’t work for a 36 Yr old male, with a good job and a stable life, trying out internet dating because he lives in a remote town and doesn’t hang out at bars.
Tell both these guys to read NMMNG and take at least one of Dr. Glover's online classes on dating. One of the early Perfecting Your Practice lessons discusses online dating.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Lou, My H does this kind of talking all the time. Rather than owning up to what he's feeling,he projects it back to me, and somehow makes me feel defensive. It's taken a lot of work to undo this pattern; I have to stay aware, stop him in his tracks, and help him rephrase. He gets points for "getting it."
Here's what I mean:
COI: "I know you are less optimistic than me because you never call me."
I'd rather hear him say: "I am feeling xyz about the fact that you never call."
It's subtle, but it's an important distinction, IMO.
Corri Or, he could try the direct approach with Mojo and say... "I'm getting uncomfortable calling so much. It feels one-ended to me." I mean... if he's calling every day... she doesn't have to. No patience of this guy's part, and he is Captain of Industry. That doesn't match up to me. I agree with most of your reasons.
Does he have a Community Center in his town, Yes and he was involved with "Search and Rescue" outdoors activity groups, etc.
I should tell you, he dislikes players, women that go out with party guys/players, and wouldn't even reply to someone like Mojo, or someone deeply religious.
I know he needs to read NMMNG
He has been on eHarmony for 6 months and hasn't actually visited anyone. Some women, hundreds of miles away, asked him a series of questions, then said they were seeing someone locally.
A couple of women said they wanted a man that dressed better than he does (casual), wanted someone more educated (AA), someone that had a more professional circle of friends (income around 45K), wanted some one that was also an animal activist, etc. (**) is a description of my friend.
Some women he dated didn't like the town he lived in (pop less than 10K) and didn't like to travel 100 miles to a decent shopping center. Yet my friend sees women supporting a drunk H and 2/3 kids all of the time. One woman only dog sits but doesn’t think my friend is good enough for her.
My friend tried another site and got some replies that sounded like they came from Nigeria.
Does anyone have an opinion about eHarmony?
Maybe this is the opposite side of the fence, where women wonder if the guys on internet dating sites just want a fling with a woman, then move on to the next opportunity, what ever that is.
Mo, I sort of agree with HD’s advice. Maybe a bit overstated.
