she said that she wants me to be like other husbands, and i am assuming that she means to be less affectionate.
that's what i am trying to do , and i don't like it. but i don't see how being affectionate and still being happy without the sex can happen.
you're saying that i have to always be a bit distant, independent especially after i get what i want.
It isn't about getting what you want. It's about being Who You Are, regardless of how she is or isn't. There is a German saying, which goes something along the lines of:
"Once you've ruined your reputation, you are free to be who you are."
SHE HAS power, because you continue to GIVE it to her; yet you get mad/resentful toward her because she has power. Well, that's kind of crappy of you, wouldn't you say?
Who IS Cozy? If you had a day to fill... there was no 'job work' to do, no chores at home to do, all your friends and family were off busy doing something else... what would you do to fill your day... that you'd enjoy?
It sounds like a really silly question, but if you give it a good half-hour to contemplate... it is a very difficult thing to answer. And it SHOULD be. Most people never give thought to it, let alone live it.
When you continue to depend upon others to 'fill your needs,' they will always have control over YOUR relative happiness. When you accept 'crap' treatment from others, you will continue to get it. If you have not defined for yourself what constitutes 'crap' behavior in your life, you are going to feel like one very confused and frustrated man.
You are blowing through the books we recommend to you, and ignoring the exercises because you are in such a hurry to FIX it so you can get what you want.
It doesn't work that way. No more than it works for my son, who says he wants to be a great hockey player and wants to be great... NOW. Being 'GREAT' (not even to mention moderately good) takes a lot of hard work, practice, determination and stick-to-itness.
What you resist, persists. And you are doing a ton of resisting because the ONLY thing you care about right now... is what you want. In essence, you are throwing a temper-tantrum. Which is okay... we all do it. But it isn't going to get you where you want to be.
Right now, you are sitting, all nice and comfy cozy, in the Center of the Universe Chair. A place where everything is 'all about me.' Yes you are, and believe me, we've all taken our turns sitting there.
So. Do you want to be 'right' about the problem you are describing in your marriage... or do you want to 'solve' the problem?
Cuz I can tell you, from collective experience, your problem has nothing to do with lack of sex.
