so in other words, be myself without expectations, do things that make me happy, do things for her that make her happy, compliment, snuggle, call her honey and dear,open doors for her, hold conversations with her, tell her i love her, and then go and do things by myself, for myself and not be as close to her--let her see that i can be or am independent.
also, be a "friend" without expecting any sex: "hey, you look great today!" "do you know how much i love you?" and then go and do something for me, or even do something with her, but not expect anything when we go to bed showing her that i can do without sex if need be. that will maybe "turn her on" because she now feels unbalanced, because i seem independent and now she feels a loss of control not knowing why i am doing things without her.
i have done all of that. maybe it didn't work because i went back to being my old self again once i got what i wanted.
but isn't this also showing her that she still has the power? for example: in order to get her power back, she, being turned-on, wants me. i capitulate. we have a nice romp. now she's satisfied and so am i. i continue being nice and friendly, and a bit distant, but now a week or two has past, and my distance from her and my compliments don't affect her, because she has slipped into pms mode, making my independence a relief for her. she won't come to me for sex, because she's irritable, and then she gets her period and then she comes to me because she now feels all romantic and caring because of her hormones, and my "independence" now affects her, so she comes to me for sex, we do it and then she goes off into the month without caring or feeling any insecurity because she's still satisfied from the week before, and now pms sets in making my independence a blessing to her---aka sex once a month according to her terms.
that's the way i see it. she gets the best of both worlds: my love and compliments, and sex once a month when she wants it.
i know it's a power-play--my friends and cousins have already established that fact. the problem is trying get some of the power back and i know and understand that showing her that i am more important than her, that i come fist and am going to do what i basically want--as long as it's within reason--then i can take some of that power back because you're saying that she will then come to me for intimacy, because i am not hanging all over her like a dog in heat!! nor am i pushing the issue and showing her how angry i am when she says no.
looking back at past journals, some entries showed that i did try to be distant, but i can't remember if i was complimentary and loving, and she did come to me for sex telling me "see what happens when you don't talk about it, or bring it up?"
but the problem is that that will only happen once a month, and then it seems that the power is back in her hands.
isn't the power also in her hands when she comes to me and asks for sex, knowing full well that i will give in?
when she is satisfied, that's it. the rest of the month is over. staying away from her a bit is basically a relief for her; now she doesn't have to worry about me wanting anything because "hey, look at me! he's going through the days talking to me, being kind and loving, and he's not pushing for sex. i can honey him up and down knowing that when we go to bed, i am just going to bed."
once again, it's the best of both worlds.
if i am wrong, then tell me, because i have been showing some independence, not being complimentary, not calling her on the cell while driving to work, not even brushing up against her as we pass each other in the house, just talking to her as if she is a friend, a roommate, a person just there without a goodnight, without any comments about having sex or any inklings about having sex.
i haven't even allowed her to hold my hand in the movie theater sat. night, moved away from her when she went to put her hand on my back at the snack stand, didn't try to hold hands with her while in the store, because we usually hold hands, or she'll hold my arm.
that's a way of being distant, no? she said that she wants me to be like other husbands, and i am assuming that she means to be less affectionate.
that's what i am trying to do , and i don't like it. but i don't see how being affectionate and still being happy without the sex can happen.
you're saying that i have to always be a bit distant, independent especially after i get what i want.
