Cat! I just caught up with your sitch! Wow! You are a far better person than I am. I would've kicked my H out if I ever found him lying to me again, and then finding him jumping out of a window at OW's. That would truly be IT for me! You are a brave, forgiving, sensitive, and grounded soul. I am in awe! I also understand when you say you feel you are protected by God. There have been times in my sitch, that I have felt that too.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
He's giving your C something to work with anyhow, even with what he doesn't say or work on. Some people just tell the C what they want to hear--- or give up. I'm glad he's talking.
Since your C is so good at making your H comfortable, chances are good that he'll be able to work on his issues.
BeingM, I was going to, chances r that had he not jumped out and instead open the door I would've told him that he was screwed, that I had proof of his infidelity and that I'd see him in court... and things prob would've degenerate from there. It took everything in my being to even begin to listen to his version of things and believe any of it, it wasn't easy by a long shot.
Kel, I do see he is trying consciously, acknowledges that his guilt is getting in the way and actually told me last night "this can't last forever, I will get over this" (I was the one who used to tell him that when he'd look at me in despair and ask me if the pain was ever going to end). God's strength is amazing, I wouldn't be this composed otherwise.
No homework this week (I wished for some, lol) but we are going back this friday again.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, I can relate a lot to you and to your sitch. My H's sitch was so outrageous at one point. But H kept saying that he knew somethign was wrong with him and that he wanted to be a better person. And if someone shows a true desire to fix the problem and make change, how can you turn your back on that?
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Kel, I do see he is trying consciously, acknowledges that his guilt is getting in the way and actually told me last night "this can't last forever, I will get over this" (I was the one who used to tell him that when he'd look at me in despair and ask me if the pain was ever going to end). God's strength is amazing, I wouldn't be this composed otherwise.
I agree! Just when you think you can't take another moment and that you are completely 100% done, you find strength from somewhere. And strangely, sometimes, when things are really bad and the look in your eyes says "Despair has moved in and it ain't movin' out" your H will find a way to make you strong.
Love, human love, God's love, the love deep inside that teaches us to be better people is a beautiful, transformative thing.
Me: 30 H: 32 Dating 10/96 Married 8/01 H PA's: Summer 97, 12/06, 5/07-10/23/07 My Saga
And if someone shows a true desire to fix the problem and make change, how can you turn your back on that? =============================================== yes, that's what made me stay by his side, he truly came appart and saw the fruits of his craziness and realized what was going on. I want to look back one day, and whatever the case may be 10yrs from now I won't regret not giving my M another go.
Had a very emotional R talk, we've stayed clear away from those, something small triggered it. I ended up asking him if he was thinking of me as much as he was thinking of her while he broods on for days and nights on end (I know he's not thinking how much he misses her but of her deceptions and his hand in the whole thing). I told him that I understood he had to process those thoughts but that he couldnt' let those thoughts rule 100% of his time, that he needed to put his priorities straight, that I needed to know I mattered to him. He agreed that I should be his priority after the usual "I don't what to do, I keep hurting people" line, I know he can't stand confrontation but I had to say it. He needs to heal on his own time but I had to remind him what the C told us, you can't brood and try to fix the past because then you are missing out the present. I told him how I was strong because I had no choice, I dont' have the luxury of checking out, what would happen to the children, the home? That as much as he thinks he wronged ow and thought she needed him I need him too. I think at some degree he takes me for granted because throught the whole ordeal I've mostly been in one piece and he knows that I could go on peacefully with my life if we were to separate, that I can take (almost)anything (unlike fruit basket ow in perennial distress).
He said his IC still is figuring out what's wrong with him (hmmm, he's depressed???). I wonder if he's not going to talk to me anymore about how much he thinks of ow's deceit and his own and how the guilt is hurting him. I don't want him to not talk to me about what bothers him, but i also don't want to be the emotional blanket of 2 years ago, which was good to assure him/calm him down and then move on without thinking how I was feeling.
He was going to some friend's to do stuff, told me he didn't deserve to go and that he'd be home, I told him to go anyways, he needs to be out with people, so out he is, he made sure he called me throught the night (our meltdown was about him not meeting me as agreed, he misread my txt msgs, didn't call me and i didn't hear from him for about 1.5h after our planned lunch which made me a nervous wreck).
And that's my drama for the day, hoping tomorrow is one day closer to us being happy and connected.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
some weeks are better than others, this is one of the not so great. Maybe because of our talk the other day, H hasn't tried to call me as often, last night he never even txt me nor call me for 9hrs, very unlike him, and it was specially bothersome because in the past 3 days we had 2 conflicts due to him not contacting me and me know knowing if he was ok. It is also scary since he is in law enforcement and there is always the chance something can happen to him.
I was freeting some, but I know it is not in my hands, he needs to come to me, I can't force him to do anything, but I believe I had the right to at least say for once how I was feeling. I usually wait for him to make the first move, but I txt him this morning, it felt unnatural, but I believe it is something I need to work on, to not wait for him to extend the olive branch all the time. He didn't answered but he called me and we are having lunch at my workplace. I want to be relaxed, be a safe place, not make him feel like he needs to talk R and that there is something bothering me, I mentioned it to him briefly last night (after a call late at night from him). we have C tomorrow, we can talk then.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Is he still living in the house? That last post just sounded like he may not be and I thought he was.
As hard as all of this is, you do *sound* like you're doing really well. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of breaking down or *taking a break* from everything b/c, like you said, someone has to take care of the kids, the house, etc. etc.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
