My "best friends" comment was in relation to before when you presumably showed her you detached. I remember you saying something to the effect of her thinking you two would be best friends once she left and you had to show her what it would REALLY be like, which of course she did not like.
Frank, don't ACT. Just BE. The only thing I'd curb is the desperation. Put a cork in that and wing the rest being true to no one but yourself.
Surely how you react depends on how things went for her when she did the talk. Did her 'stress' turn into 'distress' or did it give her a buzz and is she on a high when she gets back.
I'd just listen and let her off load about it all. Don't make it a bigger thing than it is.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Frank, don't ACT. Just BE. The only thing I'd curb is the desperation. Put a cork in that and wing the rest being true to no one but yourself.
Yeah, it sure is difficult. She is so hard to deal with because of her tone and actions. Like this morning she comes to me when I'm sleeping and 'jostles' me gently, sort of 'stroking' my shoulder and says in a 'gentle' voice "Hey you, you need to get up so you can take D12 to school. Remember that I have my talk this morning?"
It's that 'niceness' that irks me. I'd rather hear "Frank, you need to get up and take the kids to school". You know, indifferent, detached?
But she does this crap. Then she'll be detached later. And tonight she'll get more validation from her friends.
Frank..XXX asked me to read her paper the other day. Do I care right now? Not really. Did I read it? Yes.
W: Well..what do you think? Me; I think its great. It sounds like a professor wrote it. W: My mother did the English professor thing and changed too much meaning in it by correcting too much of what I wrote. Me: Well....that's what English profs do.
End of convo. Why did she ask me to read it? She asks me to read her paper...to go places with me when I take the kids...to go places with her when she takes the kids...heats me up dinner, etc. Why? Who knows? No one here does. Probably no one knows except her.
She told you she wants out. You need to get to a place of EVENTUALLY...coparenting with her.
Focus on you. Do what you feel. No need for anger. No need to be her best friend. Be yourself. DB'ing is done. You are all Frank D now. FIB
Last edited by faithisbelieving; 01/15/0805:03 PM.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Well, she came home and did not come to talk to me at all.
A few minutes ago she came to tell me she had called the doctor so she could get D17 in to see him today and would I call her cell if they call back so she can go to her Qi Gong session now.
I asked her how her talk went, she said it started out bad, she choked, but then got a volunteer to demo on and it got better. I listened and smiled, said some encouraging words as if she was any other person I was talking to.
She seemed enthusiastic.
She asked me if she I had $20 she could have so she didn't have to go to the ATM so she could pay for her Qi Gong session. I gave it to her. She's gone now.
I guess I'm just dense. She's done and that's just the way it is. I'm probably going to be better off in the long run, it just doesn't feel very good right now.
