First, found a DVD player in W's closet. Well, apparently she got it for OM for xmas before he rejected her. Wow, just wow. It was maybe $30 but it's the gesture that matters. Note that she didn't get any gifts for any of her other friends... She met him for coffee twice, haven't even started dating, and xmas present already? She said that if he hasn't rejected her they would've definitely be dating. Grrrrr..... Maybe it's a sign from God that the OM went away. Maybe he's giving me more time... W said that she has learned her lesson and won't be diving into things head first. I have told her that I want her to make a conscious and logical decision about our future since she has said that it would really bother her if I'm seeing someone. I said that I don't want to go down that route unless she leaves me with no choice. I won't sit around and wait for her to figure out if a new R would work or if she still wants us. She needs to think about the future and think long term and make a decision after considering everything and not just how she feels at this moment. At least she says that's what she will do and will not date until she makes that decision. I hope she sticks to her word. I told her to take her time and I won't take any actions until she decides. Now I'm just backing off and working on me. Her grandmother passed away this past Sunday. So far I think God has given me lots of opportunities to allow me to show her that I can be supportive of her, be there for her, and also show her I can take charge and get things done and be proactive....
On a different note, was looking through some of the cards and love letters from her to me in the early years. All I can say is wow she really thought I was special to her and I am an idiot for messing things up and took her for granted. Yeah she had some personal issues, but I was an idiot. I also came to a better understanding of why she has so much resentment. It must've been devastating for her to receive the type of behaviors I exhibited when she thought the world of me. I wrote her an apology letter and explained what additional things I realized. I hope that can take some of the anger away.... I just hope with some time she'll decide that we can still make things work.... I am a moron!
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
